The Year that Just Was and Goals that Will Become

As I sit here reflecting on the year that has passed, on the winter break that is almost over and the New Years Eve that is dreary and dull I keep reminding myself that I have many things for which I am blessed, winter break does not have to be exciting and it is not required that a person has a fun New Years Eve, in fact tomorrow nothing will be any different from today except I have to learn to write a new date....(which I will fail at for months lol)

I reflect on the fact that I am not happy or sad to see the year come to a close, it has had its ups and downs but the changing of the date won't change that..today I feel the blues and feel restless, my winter break has been ok, nothing great, most of the time not really stressful but not stressless.... well, it WAS, the word was is the past tense of be which is defined as existing or just taking place so, that is how I would define my winter break...for the most part not that fun except for a few days, but not horrid either.again it WAS.

It is ok for things to just be but sometimes that does feel less rewarding. Sometimes it results in feeling the blues but as I reflect on that thought I also realize that my feeling the blues might be the dreary weather. I need the sunshine to help boost my mood. I think that is the root of my mood this time of year and the reason my winter break was nothing special.

I will not make resolutions because they are pointless, I rarely keep them. I do have goals and plan to work toward them. If I work toward my goals they will become my reality and in a year hopefully my reflection will be that the year was not just WAS, it was good...it was fun...and it was productive...


I feel a bit like I am jumping around here with my words, I guess I am because my thoughts are jumping around too. I want to be productive and as I was writing I realized that I have not felt productive for a long time and although I do have fun times I don't have fun most of the time. Most of the time I just am. My goal is to get more out of life than it just being.

My goals...one is to finish my MA in Gifted Ed and get my endorsement, the next is to find a job in Arizona and then move. Before that a goal is to re-finance and then sell my home. My health goal is to lose 50lbs. I hope to reach my goals or at least some of them...

I look forward to the sunshine which will help the new year be more than the last one....

Was 2016 Really the Worst Year Ever?

     As I sit here thinking about New Years Eve and the new year to come I ponder the year that we are leaving behind. I've heard some people say that it was a bad year for them because they either didn't get the job they wanted or their wished didn't come true. I've heard people say it was "the worst year ever." They are glad to see the year end....I got to thinking on my year in review and well, even though it was not a fantastic year, work has been a nightmare since September, I am struggling financially, more than I think I ever have  and nothing exciting happened except of course my yearly trip to California, I really do not feel I can complain.

     All of these thoughts lead me to thinking about the recent loss of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, not my loss but the loss Debbie's son, Carries brother is feeling now. He lost his mom and sister within two days of each other.  I thought of my cousin who lost her mom, my cousin who lost his wife, my friend who lost her son, my colleagues who lost their sister and our staff and students who lost a wonderful teacher and friend. I think of all who have lost loved ones in 2016 and their sorrow. My career problems and financial issues pale in comparison to those losses. Yes I felt the pain of many of the losses, Carrie Fisher was one of my favorite actresses, I loved my cousins mom, I loved my cousins wife (my cousin too), and I thought the world of the teacher/friend I lost however my pain is nothing compared to those closest to them.

     I can either learn to adjust to the career problems or change jobs, someday I might do better financially, if not well, I'll survive. All other problems I've had in 2016 can either be fixed or I can learn to deal with them. Those who lost loved ones will never get them back and that pain will get easier in time but for them, they will learn to deal with the pain in time but it will still hurt. When they look back on this year they will always remember it as  one of the worst years ever.

     So instead of complaining about what I did not have in the year and saying that I am glad to see it end I will remind myself of all that I do have and pray for those who have lost something special in the year 2016. I pray that the new year is a better year for them, that God will find comfort in God's loving arms and that I will remember how lucky I am and how all of the things of this world do not mean nears as much as those we love .

Walking Down Memory Lane Brings Smile and Tears

     Today as I was looking for a picture of myself dressed as Princess Leah I took a walk down memory lane. As I took this walk I realized that no amount of time could pass that makes the pain of losing a loved one go away. Yes time helps us deal with the pain but it is never gone.
     I decided to find the copy of myself as Leah because of the sadness I feel at Carrie Fishers passing today. I loved her as Leah, she was an inspiration. This post is not about her though, I will write a tribute to her later on. This is about my trip through my photos and the memories that flooded my mind as I took that trip.
     I had to go as far back as the early 80's to find the picture of me dressed as Leah. It was back in 1980 actually, Halloween when I worked at McDonalds as a teenager. Of course I had to look at shots from the 80's, and the 90's. Shots of old, retro shots that brought back a flood of memories, tears and yes I felt the sorrow of loss while I also smiled and felt a flood of happiness and love because of the beautiful memories.
     I found pictures of my brother in law first of all, pictures of him and my then husband when we were all having so much fun. The memories that flooded my mind were of the fun we had, of the sorrow I feel that my marriage did not work out, the sadness I feel when I look at my then healthy husband, handsome and young who now looks like he is 90 when he is only 50 resulting from alcohol dementia. The saddest feeling I had surrounding my brother in law though is losing him at such a young age to suicide. I still miss him terribly and wonder what would have been...
     Then I saw pictures of my ex mother in law and father in law who at the time I loved dearly. I smiled at the fun times we had and felt sorrow because my father in law is gone. My mother in law is gone too but we were not close when she died, however I do feel sadness over that because at one time we were very close. I also feel sad that her own son left her to die alone because he "could not handle watching her die." Even though she and I were not close, that thought breaks my heart. I also do miss the fun times we had.
     Other pictures were of family gatherings where my Aunt Ginger and Uncle Jim were there. I was very close to them both and miss them so much every day.
     I found pictures of my cousin Annette V and am sad that she left us so young. I am sad for my dear cousin and his kids at the great loss they feel. It has not been that long since she left us and so it is still new. I miss her great wit and laughter.
     Then there's my aunt Willie, the duncie. Oh how I miss that sweet great aunt of mine. She as so much fun. I remember going on vacations with her and Uncle Winston who I miss too. Aunt Willie and I would fight over sea shells and laugh about it later. We had so much fun in Mesa, Az and just about everything we did.
     I found shots of my Grandma Moore who was so very thoughtful and wise. She always gave my kids a can of olives for their birthday and Christmas because they loved olives and that was all she could afford. Those were the best gifts of all because they came from her heart.
     There are many pictures of my Grandma and Grandpa Butt that made me cry, I miss them so very much. I remember them always holding hands and that makes me smile. I remember grandma getting after him, he is the only person I ever heard her raise her voice to but I knew she loved him dearly. The called each other dear and had a love for each other that I always wished I could find. Grandpa left us many years before grandma. She went to Disneyland with us and many other things. I have so many memories of the times I spent with all of them.
     The flood of memories as I walked down memory lane through my photo albums were sad and beautiful at the same time. They also reminded me that the pain of the loss is just as great today as it was at the time. time just helps us accept and cope with the loss.
    

Limited Vocabulary Base or Just Not Understanding Word Context?

     I have written about my dislike of the F word before but decided to go even farther with my writing about the word. I hear it used in so many different contexts and well, I wonder if people really know what it means, I wonder if people really know how to use it in context and I wonder why people wish to use a word that “doesn’t really mean anything”?  I wonder if many people who use the word have such a limited vocabulary that they just throw it in there for lack of knowing what else to say?

     When I was younger the word was not even in the dictionary, it was out there but it was just slang.  Then later the Merriam Webster dictionary defines F word as Vulgar/slang and states that it means 1. Have sexual intercourse with someone and 2. Ruin or damage something. That is the current definition of the F  word that was not a word in the dictionary until around 1972. Even so it is still listed as slang and as vulgar.

     I have always known what the word meant even before it became “defined”.  When I grew up it was used to explain sex in the most vulgar form. If you slept with someone just for sex then it was used. If people had group sex, it was used. Yes it was used also when people were so angry that they could not even come up with another word and some people used it to call others names.  Many teens used it to be cool but many kids did not see them that way. That is how the word was used when I grew up.

     Now I hear it interjected just as any other word. To me it sounds vulgar and well, also makes me wonder if the person speaking has such a limited vocabulary that the only word they can interject is that word, I also wonder if they know what it means. It is often used as an adjective which makes me really wonder if some people know what an adjective is.  Some examples I hear are. “That is just as cute as F”, “ He is so f ing adorable”, “what the F just happened?” “That cool as F.” “I saw that on the fing TV and it was so fing cool.” So in context this means. "That is as cute as sex", or "he is so damaged or ruined adorable." Maybe “What he sex just happened?” or “That is as cool as damaged or ruined.” and "I saw that on the damaged TV, it was so sex.”  Used in those ways makes it sound rather, well, like the person using it is of limited intellect or limited

vocabulary.

     Don’t get me wrong, I know that all people who use the word are not ignorant, and I understand that sometimes people get angry so they use the most vulgar word imaginable because it is the most vulgar word they can used to portray how angry they feel. But to use it all of the time, as an adjective or noun or in any other form to me shows they either have limited intelligence or maybe just limited vocabulary. I hear people used it a lot and it saddens me that our society is so limited in its vocabulary base that people accept the use of such a vulgar and ignorant sounding word as nothing more than “just a word.” What saddens me even more is that some people I hear say it on a regular basis are rather intelligent people after all. Maybe they just do not realize they are using a word that makes them appear to have a limited vocabulary base.

     So there you have it, not only does the word just sound vulgar and disgusting to me but it also is used out of context so often that I find it hard to believe the user possesses much of a vocabulary base. 

+adjective +"f" word +vulgar word

Christmas Memories of Grandma and Grandpas House

    

     When I was a kid all of my family would gather at grandma and grandpas house for Christmas. We didn't live in the same town so we traveled to visit but then my aunts, uncles and cousins would come over too. I remember smelling breakfast on Christmas morning, hearing grandmas cuckoo clock as I slept in the night and sleeping on the floor with my cousins waiting excitedly for Christmas day.

   
     One Christmas Eve we drove to my aunt and uncles house on the reservation. When we got there we all sang Christmas songs. We ate dinner and headed back to grandma and grandpas house singing Christmas songs all the way.

     On Christmas Day many of the family would come to grandmas house to eat dinner. Most years there was a lot of snow so us kids went outside to sled down the hill near grandmas house. This was back when the traffic was slow and you could do these things. I also remember just pulling each other in the street.

     We would all sit down to dinner, usually the kids had a smaller table in the living room, then after we ate dinner the adults cleaned the kitchen and played cards or marbles.

     In later years when I was an adult and lived in the same town with grandma and grandpa we would not all gather at their house for Christmas dinner but some of us would go over for dinner and then throughout the day many others would stop by and visit or play games until late at night.

     Grandma and grandpa have both left us, we no longer meet for the holidays because everyone has their own family gatherings and traditions. Thinking of those times brings a smile to my face and tears to my eyes because they are such wonderful memories and I wish I could have those times back. I will never forget those memories of Christmas at grandma and grandpas house though, those were simple and loving times.

When Aromas Take You to a Happy Place

Aromas can take you to a sad and troublesome place but there are many smells that can take you to a happy place. There are some smells that I would expect take me to a happy place while there are odd smells that take me there too...take me to my laughing place.

I can't really pinpoint what smells take me back to happy times as a teenager. Sometimes I will smell something and be there. Then there are distinct smells that take me to happy places. One such smell is cotton candy. Just a whiff of cotton candy takes me to Main Street USA Disneyland. I am there, walking into the park where I feel happy and care free.

The smell of caramel transports me to Pooh's Corner store where I am just wandering around after riding Splash Mountain. Yes again at Disneyland.

Oranges take me Soarin, back to riding Soarin Over California at Disney's California Adventure Park. One of my favorite places to be.

The odd smell that takes me to Disneyland is the smell of must. Whenever I smell must I am transported to Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland. Not just the ride but I am going down the first drop screaming and laughing. Then I am singing "Pirates Life for Me".

NOt all aromas that take you back are pleasant but they can take you to happy times in life. Yes most smells take me to Disneyland and Disney California Adventure Park but then it is my laughing place.

Alcohol Aroma: The Negative Impact of Certain Smells

Aromas are interesting; just one smell can take you to back to the best times in your life where you feel happy and carefree. Then on the other end of the spectrum smells can take you to some of the worst times of your life bringing back just about every negative time and feeling you ever had. The smell that has a negative impact on my emotions is alcohol. The smell of alcohol takes me to the worst times in my life.

Drinking alcohol does not make people bad. I know that. Not all people have problems with alcohol but for me it is a problem and it does not fit into my life in any way, shape or form.  Just the smell literally is toxic to me.

Alcohol had done nothing in my life except cause pain. My ex husband was mentally abusive when he drank, it destroyed my marriage. He even made me hate the saying “its five o’clock somewhere” because that was one of his favorite sayings when I would tell him 9 AM was too early to start drinking.

I lived through my brother-in- laws suicide because of alcohol. I watched my ex husband drink himself into dementia and I’ve seen the abuse of it destroy so many things in mine and others lives. It has caused nothing but harm and destruction.

Whenever I smell alcohol it takes me back to every time my ex husband told me it was five o’clock somewhere, every time he yelled or belittled me because I was …myself…every time I counted the beers he drank, found the hidden bottles, was embarrassed by his behavior around my family and friends. Every fear I had that someone might come over to my house when he was drunk. Every time I stayed up late so he would pass out on the couch so I did not have to sleep in the same room. Every time he looked at me with those bloodshot eyes and spoke with that slurred speech that made my stomach turn.

My ex drinking all of the time is not the only negative experience I have had with alcohol but it is most prominent in my mind when I smell the stuff. I don’t think people understand what the smell does not me, how dreadfully negative the impact aroma has on my emotions.

Yes people can drink and it has no impact on their lives, for me though just the aroma is detrimental. 

How to Cope With Bullies in the Workplace?

    This post is not to tell how I cope with bullies in the workplace, it is asking my readers if they have any suggestions for me to cope with the bullies in my workplace. I wrote in an earlier post about how I was bullied at work for my honesty. I still have to deal with those bullies and well, I do not handle them well. I am hoping someone can tell me how to handle them, how to deal better without letting them impact my thoughts, my health and my mental well being.

     Thankfully I do not have to be around my bullies every day. I don't see them often but, they do have an impact on my job and I will have to deal with them more as the year progresses.  I will have to deal with one of them on a regular basis in the future and well, I am not sure how I am going to cope. The thought makes me literally sick to my stomach. What is hardest of all is that the bully I will deal with isn't even the one who bullied me however she is a part of the group of bullies and I have watched her bully others. When I deal with those who bullied me and took my position away I do get physically ill and feel my mental health is at risk because of the extreme stress.

     One of the bullies enters our building from time to time and well, I avoid her as much as I can. I just cannot even stomach her. It isn't even something I do consciously. My stomach gets all tied in knots when I hear her voice. I feel the same stress and sadness I felt when she caused me to lose my position at work for being honest. When I do speak to her I am civil and professional but I can't just can't cover my dislike for her. I can't pretend to be nice and sweet to her. I just cannot make myself do that and well really I should not have to. I am professional and that is all I should have to be. But, I shouldn't have to feel the stress when she is near. She doesn't have to even do anything for me to feel that stress, she just has to  be in the building. And she is the one who told me that this was all God's plan, His doing. That is not at all true, God would not do that.

     I don't see the main bully thankfully, she has pretty much faded away and I hope it stays that way. As for the other bully, I worry about what I am going to do once I have to be around her more often. It makes me sick and feel such stress. I just don't know how I am going to be around this person and not show my complete and total dislike for her....well, actually I do not have to like her or show that i like her, I just have to be civil and professional but am not sure how to do that once I am around her on a regular basis.

     Any ideas and thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. I will update on this as things progress. Thankfully the holiday season is near and I will have a break from worrying about the bullies. But when I return the worry will begin again. I keep hoping somehow the bullies will magically disappear.

Bullying in the Workplace

Justice Only in Injury or Death

     This is an old case and related to an old post but it is still an issue and still wrong. My son was denied his life saving medicine while he was incarcerated for using said medicine. The case was dropped because, well, they had nothing against him but, the fact still remains that he could have died while in jail. The other fact that remains is that no one cares unless someone is physically damaged or dies.

     I have tried to find an attorney to help with this case. All we wanted really was justice against Montezuma Country Jail for denying my son his inhaler while he was in their jail. They were blatant in their denial and the only reason he did not die was because he knows relaxation techniques that calmed him enough to give him breath. But, there are times that does not work for him and he did feel like he was going to die several times. They had no right to deny his medicine when he begged for it and then deny him medical treatment when he begged to go to the ER because he could not breathe. They are not physicians so they do not know what his needs were and were not qualified to determine his need for medial attention.

     What makes me most upset is that the attorneys I called regarding this matter said what the jail did was wrong but that there's no recourse against them unless a person suffers injury or death. Well this jail has done things that resulted in the death of inmates before. So I wonder how many people have to die at their hands before something is done.

     My son did not deserve to be denied his medicine while in the jail, he was wrongly placed there to begin with but that is not the issue with this post. The issue is that he could have died and if he had then something would be done. That is wrong and it is too bad no one will step up to promote the change it takes to stop these jails from endangering people's lives. It should not take an injury or death for change to happen. Change should happen because it is right and justice should not only come in injury or death.

Stomping on the US Constitution

When Teachers Bully Students

With all of the bullying in society today I have touched on bullying in the workplace and now want to touch on teacher bullying. Kids are not just bullied by their classmates, I have seen many teachers bully students and it is wrong. These young people need their teachers to care about them, to nurture them. They do not need the teacher to also be a bully. I wrote this article several years ago and wanted to share it here on my blog. 

As Bobby walks down the hall, the other kids taunt him and tease him. They call him names and make fun of him for how he looks. Sadly, though, the torment does not end there. He is constantly bullied when he enters the classroom too, but not by the other students, this time his tormentor is his teacher. The one person at school who is supposed to prevent bullying, is tormenting students.

Teachers may not be aware that the way they sometimes treat students is bullying, but it is as tormenting to kids as being bullied by other students is.

Bulling is defined as repeated acts over time attempting to create or enforce one group or persons power over another. Some teachers do this very thing to students on a daily basis, and may not even be aware that what they are doing is bullying and can be very damaging to some kids.

When a student is late to class, many teachers have the other students taunt and tease him as he enters the classroom. The teacher will stand in front of the classroom saying "oh everyone, look it’s Johnny, he's late. Say hi to Johnny." The kids will laugh and tease him. Some kids may not be bothered by this, but there are kids who feel very intimidate when treated this way. Sometimes they become very anxious about going to class and may even be late because they are so anxious. There are also children who may reach a point where they have panic attacks and are unable to attend the class at all. The teacher may think that this approach is going to stop the tardiness, but it is only bullying to some students who feel inferior already. The teacher should point out that Johnny is late to him by having him stay after class. It is not the other students business and the teacher should not use them as a disciplinary tool.

Teachers tend to think that embarrassing students will make them do better in class. If a kid does poorly on a test, many times the teacher will tell the class that everyone did great on the test except for Johnny. The teacher will embarrass Johnny not really knowing whether or not Johnny tried his best. This makes him feel stupid and many times he will never try again. He will just shut down and feel inferior to the other students.

There are students whose parents are very involved in their education. They talk to the teachers and try to stay informed. Some teachers do not like to be bothered by parents. They use this against kids and tell them that their mom called in front of the other students, they say this because it annoys them that the parent is involved. Or the teachers spout off personal issues about the student in front of the other students. Some kids do not handle this well and it is a form of bullying to them. Teachers do need to remember that all information about each kid is confidential and they should not use it to discipline. It is not discipline, it is bullying.

Some teachers make it a point to embarrass students every chance they get. They never stop to think that these are just kids and maybe they are feeling insecure and scared. The might just need one person to be nice to them, to actually care. There may come a day that of the kids who is being bullied by the teacher might have thoughts of suicide because he is also mistreated by other students. If the teacher bullies him, then he just might go over the edge and end his life. Teachers do need to discipline students but not to the point, it becomes bullying.

+bullying +teacher +classroom +teacher bullying

Integrity and Honesty Only Lead to: Bullying in the Workplace

     With all the talk of bullying regarding children I wanted to touch on bullying in the work place. It might not seem that bad to some but if you are on the other end of the bullying it is extremely difficult and can cause a person a lot of undue stress and pain. It certainly makes it hard to get through each work day and lets the wind out of your sails.  I speak of this because it happened to me this year and I lost a position at work that I am good at and I love.

     Last year was my first year teaching and I landed my dream job, teaching gifted education. I got in on a waiver and was told I had two years to complete classes and take the gifted exam. I tried to start my college classes at a college in the state where I work  the first year but they cost $900+ for out of state tuition, there was no funding, no loans, just me paying cash up front because I hold an MA degree. Well, I could not afford that. So I asked my superior at work if I had to take the classes the first year and he simply said "you have two years" in the tone of " I told you that you have two years, what part of that did not not understand?" That said,  I assumed that I had the two years. I did try to sign up for classes again at the college my supervisor suggested in the spring but found they would only be offered based on enrollment.  So, I began classes in the form of a Master degree this past summer at the same online university where I completed my Master degree in education and will be done within the two years my superior originally said that I had.

     I loved my job, I was excited, enthusiastic and ready to "change the world."I had so many plans for my students, I had great ideas and could not wait for them to unfold. Once the bullying began I began to struggle with making it through the day but still had that enthusiasm...for a while. In the end though, they have deflated me and taken the breath out of my passion. So now I will tell you all about the bullying I experienced that has taken me from and excited new teacher to a burnt out teacher after only a year. A once enthusiastic and passionate  teacher  who is now struggling just  to make it through the year.

     My license is for K-8, my new superior, not my principal but a person from administration, told me I had to case manage high school kids. I contacted someone at state level for other reasons but asked her about case managing gifted high school students with a K-8 license, she told me I should not do it because it would  violate my license. I told this to my superior and showed her the e-mail I received from the lady at state level but she told me I had been deceptive with the lady at state and ordered me to case manage the high school students again. I then called the state licensing bureau and was told by three people at the licensing bureau it was a violation of my license to even case manage any students at the high school level. I was not qualified since I hold a K-8 license.  The superior at administration in a round about way told me I was a liar, told others in administration I am a liar. This person also accused me of being insubordinate and my job was on the line. I was told that her superior had stated if I did not do this I would lose my job. I was accused of not wanting to work. All because I was trying to do what was legal and right. All because I also cared about my school district and did not want them to be fined either because in the end if they are fined the kids are the ones who suffer.

     This bullying lasted for almost two months. The administrator would tell me that I was being dishonest and that I had to do what she was saying I kept telling her to call the people at state but she for some reason she would not call or message anyone at state level.until after I involved the union.

I had been trying to get documentation from the licensing bureau in regards to what I had been told but no one was responding to my messages. I finally messaged someone different and received a written response confirming what I had been saying all along. Once the lady at administration received that information she did order me to stop working on the paper work for the high school students. I had finally given in to the bullying and was doing what I believe was illegal and wrong because I was given a direct order from other superiors. I was told I would lose my job and I could not afford that.

     I had a meeting with union, HR and the lady in administration. The lady at administration stated that the licensing bureau and people at state level were wrong and I could case manage high school students. She said she was having the entire issue researched.

     That very afternoon my gifted waiver was denied. I believe that the woman at administration worked hard to have my gifted waiver denied for this year and well, I am no longer a gifted teacher.  Union and the state worked on things so that I could have gotten my waiver approved because I proved I had tried to take classes and was working on classes currently but the district would not give me back my positron so, that was that state said there was no need to renew my waiver this year.

     The woman at administration who bullied me caused me many tears, she caused me to feel inadequate, she made me doubt myself, I had sores in my mouth and  suffered high levels of stress. The only things that kept me going were my family, the students and friends at work. But it has not been easy. Those in administration above this woman never came to me to find out what was going on, they just believed her, threatened my job and told me to do what was illegal or else.

     This entire thing did not only effect me, it caused other staff a lot of undo stress and did in the end effect the students too. No one seemed to care about them at all. Those in administration did not appear to care about their needs. They just wanted to be right, legal or not, and were going to get their own way no matter who it harmed.

     If this type of bullying and treatment had happened to someone who was maybe emotionally unstable, who knows what they might have done. If it had been someone suicidal, yes I can see how they might have decided that it is not worth it. It was that bad! Thankfully I am not a suicidal person but there were many times I just wanted to lay in bed and not get up. I am OCD and noticed a lot of my issues that have been gone for years resurface. I also have been off of Prevacid for years but felt the need to start taking it again.

     It is very sad that those at the administration level do not want those who work for them to be honest people, they don't want teachers who are thinking of the school district and the students (if the school is fined, the ones who will suffer are the kids), they don't want someone who really cares about what is legal, right, honest and best. It is apparent they just want the "yes" man or woman who will do what they are told no matter what.

      I am no longer being bullied but that is because I am no longer the gifted teacher, they not only bullied me but stripped me of that too. I was told that the district heads have a horrible impression of me as someone who just does not want to work and yes that hurts and yes there have been many tears because that is not the person I am

. Tears because all I wanted to do was what was right, tears because I only wanted to protect my license, district and the kids and tears because I lost a position I love.

    One of the people at administration even had the nerve to  stop me in the hall one day and tell me  this was all God's plan. She said it all worked out how He wanted it to.  I was floored, God wanted me bullied, He wanted me to lose my passion for teaching, He wanted our kids hurt,  I don't think so and I was extremely offended that she would even mention God in this. She had no right at all.It actually worked out how they wanted it, they were playing a game that they were going to win no matter what the cost. God does not play those kind of games.

     I have not received an apology either but then they do not think they did anything  thing wrong,  they feel justified in all they did. This makes me wonder if that is how all bullies feel? I wonder if that is how they justify their bullying?

     Would I do it again? Would I stand up for what is legal, honest and right again? Nope, if I had it to do over again I would just be the "yes" man and do what I was told. I would make sure my own license was protected but I would not worry about anything else but myself because integrity and honesty only lead to bullying in the workplace and it is not worth it to fight the bullies because in the end they will persevere over honesty and integrity.

Show Your Love While People Still Live

    On October 10, 2016 at the school where I teach, we lost a wonderful teacher and friend. She was taken from us instantly in a car wreck. The students and staff were all in shock when we found out. You could feel the sadness in our building, the sorrow we all felt at the loss of such a beautiful person, our P.E. teacher, taken away so very young. 

     It was not long after the heartbreaking news that a little stuffed frog was placed on the door of her gym, her classroom. Later on, I saw a red heart and as the day went on cards and letters of love were posted along the rail leading up to the gym. The kids hearts were broken, her fellow teachers and friends hearts were broken. We were all at a loss and everyone wanted to show their love for this amazing woman. 

     Every day the signs of love grew, every day more cards, posters, stuffed animals and signs of love went up to show how much we will miss and love her. I took pictures for the school paper and I read the cards and posters that express so much love. My heart ached because I will miss her and still does as I think of that outpouring of love shown to this amazing woman. It was unbelievable; hundreds of cards line the rail and the door leading to the gym where she once spent most of her time. 

    As I looked at this beautiful expression of love and sorrow, I felt an added sense of pain thinking how sad it is that this much love is shown to this beautiful person after she is gone. It made me think of how characteristic it is for people to show such an outpouring of love when someone dies. Yes, it is for the family too but it is also to help our hearts heal. I think that is wonderful but I am also sad that we do not show this outpouring of love to people while they are here to enjoy it. 

     From all of the cards, flowers and other expressions of love I know she was truly loved, deeply loved by so many. I am sure she knew she was loved while she was still living but I am not sure she knew just how much she was loved and the impact she had on so many other lives. This again made me sad to think that we don't show this kind of love to the living. Many people have no clue how much they are loved, some don't feel loved at all.

     So with this thought and as I reflect on the beautiful memorial tribute that has been made to our wonderful teacher and friend I hope that I show those who I love how much I love them while they are living. I also think maybe we should celebrate those we care about while they are alive. Do not wait until they are gone to give cards, flowers, and stuffed animals. Share that beauty while they are alive and show your love for them. 

A Woman Who Falsely Accuses a Man of Rape Should Be Charged of Rape

     I read this post on Facebook regarding a woman going to jail for accusing a man of rape. I certainly agree that she should. I think she should be charged with rape herself because she is taking away her victims rights by making false accusations.

     When a woman accuses a man of rape whether he is innocent or not his reputation is damaged. forever People tend to believe the worst without knowing the truth.

     When a man is accused of rape that becomes a front page story, everyone hears about it. They hear the woman's story of how he treated her, how horrible it was, how violated she felt. The accused is arrested, many times he loses his job and has to pay for a lawyer. When the woman retracts her story saying she was lying and the man did not rape her, that story does not make front page, people don't know that he was actually innocent, many times he might get his job back but there are people who still believe he is guilty and he finds it hard to get back to the life he once had.

      I know of one instance where an educator was accused of rape, he was an upstanding and respected man. Once he was accused of rape his name was plastered all over the media, including Facebook. He had to "drop off the face of the earth" just to find peace. Once his accuser admitted she had lied no one heard about that, no one knew until finally he surfaced again and people started to research the story. Not everyone did that though, he was labeled a rapist and his reputation was damaged for the rest of his life.

     I have heard many stories where men are falsely accused of rape, they lose their job and family because of this. They become "marked men" and their lives are never the same again. Some of them are so ruined that they commit suicide. Then maybe the woman should be charged with man slaughter.

     Maybe if a woman faced rape charges for falsely accusing a man of rape she would think twice before making those false accusations.

If He Hits Once, Odds Are He Will Hit Again and When that is Not Enough, He Will Hit Her Kids

     There is always an exception to any rule. There are rare instances when a man abuses a woman and then stops. Most of the time though a man who does stop is one who hit the woman while drinking however  never drinks again. Or the man who really wants to change and goes into therapy to change. But, for the most part a man who hits a woman will do it again and again.

     I hear and see it all the time, these women who are with an abusive man. Of course an abusive man is manipulative and can make her believe it is her fault. He is a predator and pretends to be loving, sweet, kind and sorry. He promises he will never do it again. He is a good liar and many times the woman believes him. So she stays. Not long after the last beating, he beats her again. He apologizes and she stays. Some woman end up dead, others eventually do leave but until she finally opens her eyes an sees that he is an abusive person and will never change, she will remain his victim.

     Then there are the women who are with a man who has her so down on herself that she believes she deserves it, he is not only physically abusive but mentally too. He convinces her that she will never find anyone to love her and he is her only hope. So she stays. Once again she will never be out of this type of relationship until she realizes she is worth more. That is the hardest part of all when with the mentally abusive man. This man usually doesn't even apologize, he just tells her she needs to stop making him mad.

     No matter what type of man is doing the beating, he will do it again. No matter how many times he says he is sorry, he will find a reason to hit again. He is only sorry in the moment. He is only sorry that she is upset and he is worried she will leave him so he has to apologize. No one can convince me that he is truly sorry if he ever does it again.

      There are women who do leave this kind of relationship for a couple of years or so, they find a relationship that is not abusive but are not happy in that type of relationship so the woman leaves. Then enter the woman beater, the abuser, the trash. The abusive man keeps saying how much he loves her and how everyone makes mistakes. He showers her with gifts and treats her like a queen. If a woman who has been out of that type of relationship falls for it again then in my opinion she deserves just what she gets. He will start beating her again. That is a given. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

     What is hardest of all is that many times once this abusive piece of trash wins her back and begins hitting her again, that is not enough for him. If she has kids, he hits them too. The kids either start crying while he is beating their mom or they try to defend her. Either makes the man mad so he turns on the kids. Sometimes he does serious damage to the children and many times he kills them. If this happens I think the woman needs to go to jail for murder right beside the abusive man. I mean she knew he was abusive, she got away from him, had a better life but then chose to go back to him again. It is just as much her fault she is abused and it is just as much her fault that her children are harmed.

      I stand by my title, if he hits once, he will hit again and eventually he will turn on the children. If a woman gets out of it and moves on to better things but then later goes back to the abuse, she gets what she deserves, he has not changed. But if she puts her children in harms way then she should have them taken away before he can harm them too. She is getting what she wants, abusive treatment, the children deserve better.

Pink Eye Treated Later and Treated Right Away

Pink Eye 2014

     Back in 2014 my little grandson got pinkeye. His mom did not take him in to get it treated. She washed his eyes and put warm compresses on them but that did not help. My son and her shared parenting time at that time so he had not seen his boys eyes. When we went to pick him up they were horrible. The poor baby could not even open them, his cheeks were broken out and so was his lip. This must have been from the drainage.

     When we got him to town we immediately took him to urgent care and got drops for his eyes. It took several days but he got over it. However the poor little fellow sure did suffer. He had a great attitude and did not cry much but he could not open his eyes for a few days. We would clean the gunk and it would build up almost as fast as we cleaned.
                                                                                                                                                                                   This  morning he woke up with matted eyes and after 30 minutes of warm rags I decided to take him in to urgent care.  There we got drops and started using them. So far his eyes are not to bad. They were red this morning and one of them was swollen but now this evening after drops, they are looking better.

Pink Eye 2016

     So if your child gets pinkeye, get them treated right away. The eye also is not always red, sometimes it is slightly red but if you wait it will become bright pink later on.
It is miserable for them to have that drainage get on their face and make it sore when eye drops will heal them in no time.

Disrespect the USA Equals NFL Boycott

     I love my country, I stand for the anthem and I salute the flag. I do respect a persons right to sit out the pledge or anthem for religious reasons. I do not respect those who choose to disrespect our country because they are trying to "make a point". They are not making a point, they are provoking even more division and are a part of the problem. So until the NFL apologizes for the disrespect of some players it is my right to boycott the NFL, I will not watch, purchase or support anything related to the NFL.

     Don't get me wrong, this is not as serious as a rapist sentenced to only 90 days, that is wrong and I will not support the rapist either. But then I never would have anyhow.

     Those football players who decided to "make a point" by kneeling for the National Anthem are people who have benefited more than most of us by the system they are disrespecting. They make millions tossing around a football for goodness sake. So I do not know what makes them think they are helping the causes they are promoting by disrespecting the country that has given them their livelihood.

     Yes we have a racism problem in the US, it is sad and it is wrong but to disrespect the very country that has provided you such a comfortable life is only causing more division. I am not racist, I love everyone for what they are no matter what color, race or cultural background they come from. We all deserve the same chances in life, we all are also responsible for out own actions and well, sometimes the choices we make are what make life difficult. Yes many are oppressed but there are also those who overcome that oppression. Yes there are people who hate others for the color of their skin or the culture they come from. That is sad but to disrespect our country and anger those who love it so much does nothing to stop the racism.

      It is their right to refuse to  stand for the anthem, it is also their right to spew hatred about the USA and even their right to disrespect the flag. Those who fought and died for this country gave them that right. On the other side of it, it is the right of the rest of us to boycott the NFL and the players who support this kind of disrespect for a county we dearly love.

     Stop and think people, did you help your cause? No you did not, you only made those who oppose your  your cause angry but what is worse is that you made those who support your cause angry too. I still believe we are all equal and will still fight for equality but will not support those who disrespect my country especially when they have benefited from all it has to offer.

Schools Slowly Suck Learning out of Education for Gifted Students

     I was not sure where I wanted to put this post but decided it is broader than my teaching experiences so I decided to put in in my collection of thoughts.

     When my sons were young and first started learning their alphabet and all of those new things kids learn I was so excited because they picked things up quickly. My two year old could count to ten, he knew all of his color words, short words like cat, dog etc by the time he was three years old. He did not just know them, he could spell and write them too. My oldest was reading while in kindergarten. Both of my boys were extremely intelligent and speaking huge words by the time they were in second grade.

     I had high expectations for my sons when they started elementary school. I just knew they would both graduate high school with honors and move on to college with ease. Both of them loved elementary school. They were excited and eager to learn. They were both problem solvers and had strong critical thinking skills at very young ages.

     Elementary school was great for them. When kids are in elementary school there is still a lot of new information to learn. It is enchanting and fun. But then they entered middle school. This is where I saw the decline in my oldest son academically. He did good in 6th grade but by 7th he hated school and was not turning his work in. His teachers told me that he knew the content and could discuss it in class but just would not turn things in. So I had him tested for giftedness but he did not pass because he is a perfectionist and did not work fast enough to pass the tests.

    I watched my son lose interest in school, I watched him turn from a child eager to learn to one who just did not want to get out of bed in the morning to go to that boring place. Finally when he was old enough he left school. He dropped out and decided to get his diploma online. The school in which he got his diploma ended up being a hoax but that is for another blog.

     So on to my second son who is not the perfectionist and did pass the gifted test. He was identified as gifted in 2nd grade. He did great in grade school. He was bright eyed and eager to learn. He was like a sponge and just soaked up any new knowledge. My oldest, smart as he was, was not as excited about learning as his younger brother. This child read all of the time and was always excited to learn. I just knew he would graduate high school with honors and move on to college, I actually figured he would start college around 16 or 17 years old. He loved learning that much. He learned that quickly and retained it with ease.

     Then he went into middle school, his love for new knowledge remained but his love of school started to diminish. In our school district the accommodations they had for gifted students were advance placement classes. My son told me these were the same classes his brother was in but there was more work. It 6th and 7th grade he was learning new things but by 8th grade the new knowledge was coming to an end. By 9th grade he was no longer a sponge, they have totally squashed his love for school. He did not feel challenged at all and he lost interest in school. He tried online school but that was disappointing too. Eventually he dropped school and is going to take his GED.

     Watching my sons and how the schools lack proper accommodations for gifted students is why I decided I wanted to go into gifted education. I want to someday make a difference in the field of gifted education. I have watched how the education system is letting gifted students down. Many gifted learners in the United states are not succeeding in high school. These are the kids who find learning easy and fun but yet the drop out rate for these individuals is high even though many of them are more knowledgeable than those who graduate.

     My son told me one time that he loves to learn, he hated school as he got older because he was no longer learning. It was painfully boring and such a waste of time. I find that sad because it comes so easy to him.

     Then there is me, as a new teacher all bright eyed and eager to teach gifted ed. I was so excited to do things for my students no one did for my own kids. I wanted to be the teacher who helps their minds expand, who provides them the class in which to use their critical thinking and problem solving skills. The class that focuses on the whole child, not the testing robot.

     Administration however is killing teachers passion and making it all about the pay and duty, not the kids because administration takes away the "kid" in kids for test scores. They make it so mind numbing that teachers can't focus on the kids so it becomes about the pay because that is the only way to stick it out. It seems like administrators do not want teachers to focus on the whole child. They only want the teachers to focus on the part of the child who can pass the standardized test. Forget problem solving, critical thinking and well creativity is out the window. These are the things that drive gifted students and lack of the ability to do these  things is what prompt those students to leave school out of sheer boredom.

     I went into teaching gifted education with the hopes that I could  be the cure for the problem, to find  way to fight for the gifted  kids and I will still fight for what the gifted kids need but it is sure not an easy fight. So much emphasis is based on the test, the results of the test and how well the school did as a whole on the test. Emphasis is not placed  on what we see at the end of the day. The emphasis is not on whether or not the kids learn, it is not based on what those kids who will be our rocket scientists, creators and future inventors take out of their time in school. It is again, all about the test.

     So what does the test do for us? What does it do for the future of the kids, these gifted kids who well, score high on these tests because it is easy for them. Does it help their lives at all? In ten years no one will care that Johnny scored high on the standardized test. No one will care that the school scored high as a whole because Johnny did so well on the test.  What will matter is how well he succeeds in life and it will be his ability to problem solve and think critically which will drive his future. If he is just a testing robot he might miss out on what he can become and that will be harmful to society as a whole.


    

Coughing Breaks Windpipe

     I was not sure where to put this post so decided it would work in this blog.

     My youngest son has a broken windpipe. He got this from coughing. I have never heard of such a thing but it happens. It is so strange.

     He has had a bad cold for weeks and also has asthma. He has been coughing very hard but really no harder than usual. He has struggled breathing but no worse than when he has a bad asthma episode. So when he came back from the ER and told me his windpipe was broken I was shocked.

     On Wed night he was struggling to breathe, he was taking more than usual nebulizer treatments. Then the next day at work he was sent home because he was pasty looking and his co workers said he was turning blue. I was home ill so I had a friend of his take him to ER. There they found the broken windpipe.

      I don't think it is broken in the sense as broken in half but has many tears and broken spots in it. This also makes for air bubbles in his blood. Yes bubbles. It is so strange, you can feel them when you touch him. The first night they made his hand hurt because his blood was bubbling so hard.

     I wonder if his inhaler is not partially responsible for the weak windpipe. He does use it more than he should which is commone for an asthmatic. But I wonder if the over use of the Ventolin inhaler has caused his windpipe to weaken.

     Regardless of why this happened it is not at all fun. My son is in a lot of pain and still struggles to breathe.

Those Who Forever Blame Others for Their Transgressions Will Forever Remain the Victim

     When I left my alcoholic husband after trying to make things work for 20 years he told me it was my fault he drank and he made me believe everything wrong in our relationship was my fault. He played the victim, he never took responsibility for the way he let the alcohol destroy us. He never stopped being the victim and well, he never found any kind of happiness or peace in his life.

     For many years I thought maybe it was my fault, maybe I didn't do things right enough, maybe I was not loving enough, maybe I was this or maybe I was that...I doubted everything about how I was in our marriage but, eventually I realized that it was not me, it was him. It was the booze and well, I didn't deserve to live that way.

     My relationship is not really what this is about though, it is about how people who are wrong in a relationship are the ones who always feel like they are the victim. It is about how they will never stop being the victim until they own up to their own flaws and realize that they were wrong. It is about the cheaters who feel cheated once their cheating is revealed. It is about the partiers who feel they are wronged when the person gets tired of being around someone who is never sober. They place the blame for the failed relationship on the other person when their cheating, or drinking is what ended the relationship.

     I have known so many people who go through a relationship cheating, the relationship may not be perfect but that never opens the door to cheating. Cheating is wrong no matter why. If you no longer care, you leave. But, most of the time these cheaters don't want the relationship they are cheating on to end, they just want to be able to "have their cake and eat it too." They are shocked and angered when the person they cheated on is upset, hurt and eventually done. They take on the role of victim when the person they cheated on is the true victim. The cheater blames the one they cheated on for everything wrong in their life and just never take responsibility for their own actions. The alcoholic is the same, he or she never takes responsibility for the role he played in the destruction of the relationship.

     Until these people, the cheaters and the alcoholics or even just partiers, decide to take responsibility for the role they played in the destruction of what they had. Until they own up to what they have done. They will forever remain a victim in every part of life and they will never find true happiness.

    

Taste of India in Cortez Colorado: Sour Grapes

     I usually do not give a restaurant a bad review unless I have tried their food but the new restaurant Taste of India will never get my business. I know three employees they have cheated or tried to cheat and I do not patronize that kind of business.

     The first person I know who worked there was being worked 12 hours a day and worked 6 days in a row. Then when she got her first paycheck they cheated her by taking the tips she had earned out of her paycheck. She told them that they had to make sure she made at least minimum wage. The fired her.

     The next employee was told when he started that he would not get tips while he was training. He was ok with that. But when he got his first paycheck he was making $5.31 an hour. He told him that was not acceptable. But they told him that he agreed not to work for tips. He said he had agreed to that but not to work for under minimum wage. They argued with him until he told them it is against the law to pay someone below minimum wage. Even when employees earn tips and the tips don't equal minimum wage  the employer has to make sure the wages equal minimum. They paid him and he quit.

     Then another employee recently went to pick up her check to find that they took the tips she reported and earned out of her check. They told her that he tips went back into the restaurant. This meant she made around $2.00 per hour. She told them they had to pay her minimum wage. She threatened to turn them in so they paid her. For now she still works there.

     I found out today that they have signs on their tables saying the tips go back into the restaurant. Well I don't tip the restaurant. I tip servers and if I know the servers don't get the tip I won't tip. But they won't have to worry about that because I won't eat there and I will tell everyone I know not to eat there too. I think they need to learn how things work before they open a business and stop cheating their employees.

     So sour grapes to Taste of India.

+cheating +employees +minimum wage +tips

Putting Other People Before Your Own Kids

     Don't put someone else before your children and then expect them to be there for you when that person leaves. I see this happen so many times. People, men and women alike, put other people ahead of their own children but then when they need their children, find they are not there.

     This happens mostly in broken relationships. One or both parents find other adults in their life and put them before their own kids. I watched my ex husband do this to his own kids. He was with this woman who always came first no matter what. She was more important to him than his own kids. Then when he got ill and she was not there he turned to his kids.

     For years his kids were there for him when he needed them but then he would get back with the woman and once again she came first. Not only did she come first but so did her family. He even had more of a relationship with her grandson (a child he called a brat and said he did not like) than he did with his own grandson. All to keep this woman happy.

     There finally came a day when his own kids were not there for him when he needed them. They had been there enough, they had been pushed aside for her enough and they had been hurt enough. They couldn't do it anymore. They no longer felt the need to help him because he destroyed their dedication and respect for him.

     So if you put someone before your kids don't expect them to put you first later in life. Love and respect work both ways. You have to give to get and can't get unless you give.

Being Second Best

     I was watching the episode of Cheers where Lilith returns home after leaving Frazier for another man. She walks in on him in bed with Rebecca and gets mad like she has a right to be mad. She is the one who left. She is the one who cheated yet she was mad that he was with someone else.

     Then she was at the bar and talking to Sam, he made her realize she really had no right to be mad. Frazier comes into the bar and she tells him she is sorry and that she realized the guy she left him for was crazy. So she wanted Frazier back. After a bit of thinking, not much I mind you, Frazier took her back.

     This episode bothered me. First of all I was annoyed that the character even thought she had a right to be mad at him for almost sleeping with Rebecca. What bothered me most of all though is that the writers had Frazier take her back to lightly. I mean she only came back to him because the other relationship didn't work out. If the man she had left for was not a psycho and had been a good guy she would have stayed.

     This episode to me just showed that the character Frazier had no respect for himself,  It would have been a different situation had her relationship worked. She did not return to Frazier because she loved him, she returned because the grass was not greener like she thought it would be. So that means Frazier was second best and he was willing to be second best.

     I know this is just a TV show but it struck a nerve with me. I just could not fathom how he could take her back knowing that she only wanted him because the other person wasn't what she wanted him to be. It made me sad that he had so little respect for himself.

A New Look at the Saying "Loving Someone Means Never Having to Say You are Sorry"

     Many years ago I watched the movie Love Story. I never forgot the saying that Ali Macgraw's character used often. "Loving someone means never having to say you're sorry." I felt that way many times over the years of my life. I figured if someone loved me they would never do things they needed to apologize for. However life and experience taught me that sometimes people make mistakes and an apology is necessary. Or is it?

     Recently I heard a new saying or rather a new speech, on a show I watch all of the time, Royal Pains. The character told Evan when he wanted to buy a gift for his wife to apologize that a gift is just a bribe and also that he should not apologize. He should tell his wife he understands, he loves her and then never do what he is sorry for again.

     This got me to thinking about that old saying, "loving somoene means never having to say you are sorry." I saw that statement in a new light. Yes we sometimes do things that we are sorry for, we do them over and over again. But really if we are truly sorry for those things "I'm sorry"  are only empty words. It is the action of being sorry that counts. If you are truly sorry an apology is nice but not as necessary as just not doing it again. Being truly sorry.
 
     Yes we will all make the same mistake more than once, children of course will most often. But I wonder if sometimes we are more sorry that the other person is mad at us for what we did than actually for what we did? Maybe it is more of a bribe for them to forgive for that instant.

     The saying "loving someone means never having to say you are sorry." means that a person should strive hard to avoid hurting others and if they do hurt you, don't use an apology to make it all good. Change the action or behavior instead. That ability will come with maturity but if you truly love and care then changing your actions will mean much more than those two words, "I'm sorry."

Drunken Parenting Constitutes Child Abuse

     I hate alcohol, I hate it more than anyone can even imagine. It has destroyed so many things in my life so I have no use for it in my life. Now that does not mean I think people who have a drink with a meal or even party on the weekend are bad people but it is not for me. This post is not about my hatred for alcohol though, it is about what is right regarding parents and children.

     Each state has a legal limit in which a person is able to drink and drive a motor vehicle. If a person exceeds that limit he or she is arrested, and if found guilty goes to jail. It is a crime to drink and drive period. So I wonder why it is not a crime to drink and parent?

     Don't get me wrong, if a parent has a glass of wine with dinner or a drink after work, and would be able to drive a vehicle then that person is capable of being in charge of a child.

     What got me to thinking of this actually was while I was at Disney California Adventure Park this summer I noticed parents drinking with their children right beside them. I wondered how that was ok but swatting them on the hand or bottom was child abuse. In my opinion, if you want to party, don't have kids or take your kids elsewhere while you party.

     This idea might be unpopular with many people but children are placed in our care and they depend on the adults to be coherent enough to care for them. If a person is drunk and the child gets hurt then that child might be in even more danger because the parent can't care for him. When people get drunk they lose their sense of right and wrong, or rather their sense of anything at all. They are not even capable of taking care of themselves so why on earth is it not child abuse or against the law for them to have a child in their care while they are drunk? At least one person in the care of the child should remain sober at all times!

     Of course yes there are laws in place that protect the children if they are injured or die while a parent is drunk but why should a child have to get hurt or die before they are protected?

     There are other dangers too, the parent might leave a beer bottle around or other alcohol that the child gets into and ingests. It does not take much alcohol to poison a child. I do not believe that an abundance of alcohol should be allowed in a home with children present.

     I was married to an alcoholic and he drank at home, I put up with it and I hated it. I did not know what to do. I had two young sons and could never leave them in their fathers care because he was rarely sober. One time I did leave them to visit my mom at the hospital only to come home and find my husband passed out, my 4 year old crying and the 2 year old fenced in the bedroom. I never left the kids alone with him again and as time went on I finally decided that I was not going to put them in that situation any longer.

     Thankfully I was always there and always watched to make sure my sons were not around his alcohol but looking back I should have told him it could not enter the house. Maybe that is harsh and maybe a glass of wine or beer once in a while might not hurt but well, is it worth it? Not for me.

     I finally left and put it in the parenting agreement that no alcohol could be around my boys. I know my ex did not always obey but as the kids got older I hoped they would call me if they felt unsafe. In time they stopped visiting their dad. I should have been stronger and removed all of his parenting rights though  and if my boys had told me he was drunk when they were there I would have. I did not learn until they no longer went that he was drunk most of the time.

     I am not sure how this type of thing could be monitored because
I know we don't want officials coming into our homes to check if we are being safe. The only thing I think that can be done is for other people to get involved. If you know a parent who drinks a lot and is drunk when their kids are there, let social services know. It is just as important as reporting a drunk driver.

+drunk +parents + children +safe