Monday, September 5, 2016

Those Who Forever Blame Others for Their Transgressions Will Forever Remain the Victim

     When I left my alcoholic husband after trying to make things work for 20 years he told me it was my fault he drank and he made me believe everything wrong in our relationship was my fault. He played the victim, he never took responsibility for the way he let the alcohol destroy us. He never stopped being the victim and well, he never found any kind of happiness or peace in his life.

     For many years I thought maybe it was my fault, maybe I didn't do things right enough, maybe I was not loving enough, maybe I was this or maybe I was that...I doubted everything about how I was in our marriage but, eventually I realized that it was not me, it was him. It was the booze and well, I didn't deserve to live that way.

     My relationship is not really what this is about though, it is about how people who are wrong in a relationship are the ones who always feel like they are the victim. It is about how they will never stop being the victim until they own up to their own flaws and realize that they were wrong. It is about the cheaters who feel cheated once their cheating is revealed. It is about the partiers who feel they are wronged when the person gets tired of being around someone who is never sober. They place the blame for the failed relationship on the other person when their cheating, or drinking is what ended the relationship.

     I have known so many people who go through a relationship cheating, the relationship may not be perfect but that never opens the door to cheating. Cheating is wrong no matter why. If you no longer care, you leave. But, most of the time these cheaters don't want the relationship they are cheating on to end, they just want to be able to "have their cake and eat it too." They are shocked and angered when the person they cheated on is upset, hurt and eventually done. They take on the role of victim when the person they cheated on is the true victim. The cheater blames the one they cheated on for everything wrong in their life and just never take responsibility for their own actions. The alcoholic is the same, he or she never takes responsibility for the role he played in the destruction of the relationship.

     Until these people, the cheaters and the alcoholics or even just partiers, decide to take responsibility for the role they played in the destruction of what they had. Until they own up to what they have done. They will forever remain a victim in every part of life and they will never find true happiness.