Friday, July 15, 2016

Cheating: Place the Blame Where it Belongs

     I have to say that in my marriage I do not think my ex ever cheated on me. I did not cheat on him. Our problems were not cheating, they were his alcoholism.
I guess in a way he did have another love, the bottle and that was stronger than his love for me. Eventually his love for the bottle and the person he was when he was drinking destroyed my love for him. This post is not about that however, it is about cheaters and my wonder as to how long it takes them to destroy the love of the one they cheat on. It is also about how so many people do not blame the cheater, they blame the person they cheat with. It all is very perplexing to me.

     I have seen so many people I care about hurt by a cheating spouse or significant other. I've watched hearts torn apart time and time again only to forgive  the cheater time and time again. I've also watched these same people place their at the person the cheater cheated with rather than on the cheater him or herself.

      I wonder why this is? Don't get me wrong, for sure the person your loved one cheats with is not going to be someone you like after the cheating is done. But in my  mind I think the loved one who cheated on you is the one your anger should be towards. This person is supposed to love you. This person is committed to a relationship, this person lied to you and cheated on you. So why are people willing to forgive that person and remain angered at the one they cheated with. The one who the cheater cheated with had nothing invested in your relationship. They may have helped destroy it but the one who cheated on you is the one who really betrayed you.

     There are circumstances when things happen. People make mistakes and it is good to forgive but I do not understand how a person can forgive a cheater over and over again. I would think there has to come a point in time where they say "I'm done, I deserve better, I can't trust you, I need to move on."  Maybe though it takes two or three times to come to that decision, two or three times for the cheater to destroy the love you had for them like my ex husbands love of alcohol destroyed my love for him.

     As I watch people go back to a cheater time and time again I remain confused, confused as to why they even want the person back, confused as to why they still feel love for someone like that.  So I am writing this post in hopes someone out there will say something to make me understand. It is hard watching people remain in cheating relationships knowing they will in time be hurt again. In time the cheater will cheat because well, it is sad but true that most people who cheat will never be faithful. It is the way they are, they are not committed to anyone except their own pleasures.

     I hope that someone can help me understand this and also why people always blame the person a cheater cheats with more than the cheater? It has perplexed me for years...