Coughing Breaks Windpipe

     I was not sure where to put this post so decided it would work in this blog.

     My youngest son has a broken windpipe. He got this from coughing. I have never heard of such a thing but it happens. It is so strange.

     He has had a bad cold for weeks and also has asthma. He has been coughing very hard but really no harder than usual. He has struggled breathing but no worse than when he has a bad asthma episode. So when he came back from the ER and told me his windpipe was broken I was shocked.

     On Wed night he was struggling to breathe, he was taking more than usual nebulizer treatments. Then the next day at work he was sent home because he was pasty looking and his co workers said he was turning blue. I was home ill so I had a friend of his take him to ER. There they found the broken windpipe.

      I don't think it is broken in the sense as broken in half but has many tears and broken spots in it. This also makes for air bubbles in his blood. Yes bubbles. It is so strange, you can feel them when you touch him. The first night they made his hand hurt because his blood was bubbling so hard.

     I wonder if his inhaler is not partially responsible for the weak windpipe. He does use it more than he should which is commone for an asthmatic. But I wonder if the over use of the Ventolin inhaler has caused his windpipe to weaken.

     Regardless of why this happened it is not at all fun. My son is in a lot of pain and still struggles to breathe.

Those Who Forever Blame Others for Their Transgressions Will Forever Remain the Victim

     When I left my alcoholic husband after trying to make things work for 20 years he told me it was my fault he drank and he made me believe everything wrong in our relationship was my fault. He played the victim, he never took responsibility for the way he let the alcohol destroy us. He never stopped being the victim and well, he never found any kind of happiness or peace in his life.

     For many years I thought maybe it was my fault, maybe I didn't do things right enough, maybe I was not loving enough, maybe I was this or maybe I was that...I doubted everything about how I was in our marriage but, eventually I realized that it was not me, it was him. It was the booze and well, I didn't deserve to live that way.

     My relationship is not really what this is about though, it is about how people who are wrong in a relationship are the ones who always feel like they are the victim. It is about how they will never stop being the victim until they own up to their own flaws and realize that they were wrong. It is about the cheaters who feel cheated once their cheating is revealed. It is about the partiers who feel they are wronged when the person gets tired of being around someone who is never sober. They place the blame for the failed relationship on the other person when their cheating, or drinking is what ended the relationship.

     I have known so many people who go through a relationship cheating, the relationship may not be perfect but that never opens the door to cheating. Cheating is wrong no matter why. If you no longer care, you leave. But, most of the time these cheaters don't want the relationship they are cheating on to end, they just want to be able to "have their cake and eat it too." They are shocked and angered when the person they cheated on is upset, hurt and eventually done. They take on the role of victim when the person they cheated on is the true victim. The cheater blames the one they cheated on for everything wrong in their life and just never take responsibility for their own actions. The alcoholic is the same, he or she never takes responsibility for the role he played in the destruction of the relationship.

     Until these people, the cheaters and the alcoholics or even just partiers, decide to take responsibility for the role they played in the destruction of what they had. Until they own up to what they have done. They will forever remain a victim in every part of life and they will never find true happiness.

    

Taste of India in Cortez Colorado: Sour Grapes

     I usually do not give a restaurant a bad review unless I have tried their food but the new restaurant Taste of India will never get my business. I know three employees they have cheated or tried to cheat and I do not patronize that kind of business.

     The first person I know who worked there was being worked 12 hours a day and worked 6 days in a row. Then when she got her first paycheck they cheated her by taking the tips she had earned out of her paycheck. She told them that they had to make sure she made at least minimum wage. The fired her.

     The next employee was told when he started that he would not get tips while he was training. He was ok with that. But when he got his first paycheck he was making $5.31 an hour. He told him that was not acceptable. But they told him that he agreed not to work for tips. He said he had agreed to that but not to work for under minimum wage. They argued with him until he told them it is against the law to pay someone below minimum wage. Even when employees earn tips and the tips don't equal minimum wage  the employer has to make sure the wages equal minimum. They paid him and he quit.

     Then another employee recently went to pick up her check to find that they took the tips she reported and earned out of her check. They told her that he tips went back into the restaurant. This meant she made around $2.00 per hour. She told them they had to pay her minimum wage. She threatened to turn them in so they paid her. For now she still works there.

     I found out today that they have signs on their tables saying the tips go back into the restaurant. Well I don't tip the restaurant. I tip servers and if I know the servers don't get the tip I won't tip. But they won't have to worry about that because I won't eat there and I will tell everyone I know not to eat there too. I think they need to learn how things work before they open a business and stop cheating their employees.

     So sour grapes to Taste of India.

+cheating +employees +minimum wage +tips

Putting Other People Before Your Own Kids

     Don't put someone else before your children and then expect them to be there for you when that person leaves. I see this happen so many times. People, men and women alike, put other people ahead of their own children but then when they need their children, find they are not there.

     This happens mostly in broken relationships. One or both parents find other adults in their life and put them before their own kids. I watched my ex husband do this to his own kids. He was with this woman who always came first no matter what. She was more important to him than his own kids. Then when he got ill and she was not there he turned to his kids.

     For years his kids were there for him when he needed them but then he would get back with the woman and once again she came first. Not only did she come first but so did her family. He even had more of a relationship with her grandson (a child he called a brat and said he did not like) than he did with his own grandson. All to keep this woman happy.

     There finally came a day when his own kids were not there for him when he needed them. They had been there enough, they had been pushed aside for her enough and they had been hurt enough. They couldn't do it anymore. They no longer felt the need to help him because he destroyed their dedication and respect for him.

     So if you put someone before your kids don't expect them to put you first later in life. Love and respect work both ways. You have to give to get and can't get unless you give.

Being Second Best

     I was watching the episode of Cheers where Lilith returns home after leaving Frazier for another man. She walks in on him in bed with Rebecca and gets mad like she has a right to be mad. She is the one who left. She is the one who cheated yet she was mad that he was with someone else.

     Then she was at the bar and talking to Sam, he made her realize she really had no right to be mad. Frazier comes into the bar and she tells him she is sorry and that she realized the guy she left him for was crazy. So she wanted Frazier back. After a bit of thinking, not much I mind you, Frazier took her back.

     This episode bothered me. First of all I was annoyed that the character even thought she had a right to be mad at him for almost sleeping with Rebecca. What bothered me most of all though is that the writers had Frazier take her back to lightly. I mean she only came back to him because the other relationship didn't work out. If the man she had left for was not a psycho and had been a good guy she would have stayed.

     This episode to me just showed that the character Frazier had no respect for himself,  It would have been a different situation had her relationship worked. She did not return to Frazier because she loved him, she returned because the grass was not greener like she thought it would be. So that means Frazier was second best and he was willing to be second best.

     I know this is just a TV show but it struck a nerve with me. I just could not fathom how he could take her back knowing that she only wanted him because the other person wasn't what she wanted him to be. It made me sad that he had so little respect for himself.

A New Look at the Saying "Loving Someone Means Never Having to Say You are Sorry"

     Many years ago I watched the movie Love Story. I never forgot the saying that Ali Macgraw's character used often. "Loving someone means never having to say you're sorry." I felt that way many times over the years of my life. I figured if someone loved me they would never do things they needed to apologize for. However life and experience taught me that sometimes people make mistakes and an apology is necessary. Or is it?

     Recently I heard a new saying or rather a new speech, on a show I watch all of the time, Royal Pains. The character told Evan when he wanted to buy a gift for his wife to apologize that a gift is just a bribe and also that he should not apologize. He should tell his wife he understands, he loves her and then never do what he is sorry for again.

     This got me to thinking about that old saying, "loving somoene means never having to say you are sorry." I saw that statement in a new light. Yes we sometimes do things that we are sorry for, we do them over and over again. But really if we are truly sorry for those things "I'm sorry"  are only empty words. It is the action of being sorry that counts. If you are truly sorry an apology is nice but not as necessary as just not doing it again. Being truly sorry.
 
     Yes we will all make the same mistake more than once, children of course will most often. But I wonder if sometimes we are more sorry that the other person is mad at us for what we did than actually for what we did? Maybe it is more of a bribe for them to forgive for that instant.

     The saying "loving someone means never having to say you are sorry." means that a person should strive hard to avoid hurting others and if they do hurt you, don't use an apology to make it all good. Change the action or behavior instead. That ability will come with maturity but if you truly love and care then changing your actions will mean much more than those two words, "I'm sorry."

Drunken Parenting Constitutes Child Abuse

     I hate alcohol, I hate it more than anyone can even imagine. It has destroyed so many things in my life so I have no use for it in my life. Now that does not mean I think people who have a drink with a meal or even party on the weekend are bad people but it is not for me. This post is not about my hatred for alcohol though, it is about what is right regarding parents and children.

     Each state has a legal limit in which a person is able to drink and drive a motor vehicle. If a person exceeds that limit he or she is arrested, and if found guilty goes to jail. It is a crime to drink and drive period. So I wonder why it is not a crime to drink and parent?

     Don't get me wrong, if a parent has a glass of wine with dinner or a drink after work, and would be able to drive a vehicle then that person is capable of being in charge of a child.

     What got me to thinking of this actually was while I was at Disney California Adventure Park this summer I noticed parents drinking with their children right beside them. I wondered how that was ok but swatting them on the hand or bottom was child abuse. In my opinion, if you want to party, don't have kids or take your kids elsewhere while you party.

     This idea might be unpopular with many people but children are placed in our care and they depend on the adults to be coherent enough to care for them. If a person is drunk and the child gets hurt then that child might be in even more danger because the parent can't care for him. When people get drunk they lose their sense of right and wrong, or rather their sense of anything at all. They are not even capable of taking care of themselves so why on earth is it not child abuse or against the law for them to have a child in their care while they are drunk? At least one person in the care of the child should remain sober at all times!

     Of course yes there are laws in place that protect the children if they are injured or die while a parent is drunk but why should a child have to get hurt or die before they are protected?

     There are other dangers too, the parent might leave a beer bottle around or other alcohol that the child gets into and ingests. It does not take much alcohol to poison a child. I do not believe that an abundance of alcohol should be allowed in a home with children present.

     I was married to an alcoholic and he drank at home, I put up with it and I hated it. I did not know what to do. I had two young sons and could never leave them in their fathers care because he was rarely sober. One time I did leave them to visit my mom at the hospital only to come home and find my husband passed out, my 4 year old crying and the 2 year old fenced in the bedroom. I never left the kids alone with him again and as time went on I finally decided that I was not going to put them in that situation any longer.

     Thankfully I was always there and always watched to make sure my sons were not around his alcohol but looking back I should have told him it could not enter the house. Maybe that is harsh and maybe a glass of wine or beer once in a while might not hurt but well, is it worth it? Not for me.

     I finally left and put it in the parenting agreement that no alcohol could be around my boys. I know my ex did not always obey but as the kids got older I hoped they would call me if they felt unsafe. In time they stopped visiting their dad. I should have been stronger and removed all of his parenting rights though  and if my boys had told me he was drunk when they were there I would have. I did not learn until they no longer went that he was drunk most of the time.

     I am not sure how this type of thing could be monitored because
I know we don't want officials coming into our homes to check if we are being safe. The only thing I think that can be done is for other people to get involved. If you know a parent who drinks a lot and is drunk when their kids are there, let social services know. It is just as important as reporting a drunk driver.

+drunk +parents + children +safe