PositivityJar

 
       The last few months since the corona government shut downs, feeling positive has been challenging. I turn on the news and there are so many bad things happening in the world. I look at social media and not much different there...

      There have been many times I have felt like the world might come crashing around me. I have felt suffocated by  everything happening in the world. There are some terms and words I never want to hear again but I hear them daily....they make me want to scream at the top of my lungs. 

     I feel stressed a lot of the time and sad even more....it was getting almost unbearable. Something had to change to remove this hopelessness I felt. 

    Then one day  I heard about a positivity  jar, a jar in which you put one positive thing that happens to you each day...

    I decided this was my way of coping and maybe briing back some of the positives in my heart so, I have created my positivity jar.

      My jar is simple, is just an old mug in my room where I place a positive event each day for work and a personal positive event into my jar. Then are the end of the week I look at my positives. 

     This jar has helped me to see that the world is not as dark and dreary as it sometimes feels, that I can find something good in each of my days....now mind you sometimes I have to dig deep for my positive.... but I find one.

    I am not using things like "I got out of bed today" just because that is a standard go to, I want to dig a bit deeper than that. 

    I plan to share my positives in this blog..It is helpful for me and might help someone else find hope during these dark times.  

    I would also love to hear others positives. So please share with me! Lets pull out of the gloom in the world and find what is bright and makes us smile even if it is something as small as "I made it through the day." 

Week 1 Positives

     July 28, 2020 Personal positive: I found a neat Mickey Mouse mug at HomeGoods.

                            Work positive:  I got some furniture for my classroom.

     July 29, 2020 Personal positive: My grandson, son and daughter in law came to stay all night with me.

                             Work positive: I was able to work with one of my team members.

     July 30, 2020  Personal positive: Got to spend the evening with my adorable grandson.

                             Work positive: District "pranked" us all and it was funny.

     July 31, 2020  Personal positive: We took Noah bowling and he got a strike. He loved it so much and didn't care that he didn't get but one strike.

                              Work positive: I didn't have one today.

     August 1, 2020 Personal positive: I got hugs from my grandson Noah in the morning.

                              No work today

     August 2, 2020 Personal positive: Talked to Noah on the phone. 

     August 3, 2020 Personal positive: Talked to Noah on the phone for his birthday. I miss him but am glad he is happy.

                               Work positive: I got my space set up.

     August 4, 2020 Work positive: I made someone smile.

                               Personal positive: It was cooler outside.

     August 5, 2020 Personal positive: I talked to Blake, my oldest son, today. 

                               Work positive: I completed some lesson plans.

     August 6, 2020 Work positive: I had a nice visit with a co-worker.

                               Personal positive: I went to the chiropractor.

     August 7, 2020 Work positive: I learned a new google slide trick.

                               Personal positive: I found some neat Disney dishes at HomeGoods.

    Nothing monumental but still positives! It was a little more than a week but that is ok....

     I hope that I hear from some of you....

Is Another Corona Government Shut Down Worth What it Will Cost?

     Some days I just feel like the world has gone mad....isolate, don't go near each other, avoid loved ones, close schools, don't shop, don't go out to eat, don't go out to play, you might get sick, if you do it is certain death, wait no not for everyone but still we should isolate ourselves....yea finally we can get back to some kind of normal but wait, maybe not....all of this combined with much more is at time way too much to handle. I feel overwhelmed and as I think of this being our world from now on, t is not a world I want to live in...I mean what kind of life is it really??  I would not take my own life but at times through all of this I have had feelings of hopelessness and not much desire to go on....except for my loved ones who need me and who I need! They keep me going, they and God are where I find my hope when hope seems so far away...

     This all gets me to wondering about those who don't have a support system, or they do have that but emotionally they are not strong enough to deal with these troubled times. There are many out there who I know feel like I do but just can't handle it. I worry so much about them...I worry if we have another shut down, the cost will be much higher than the Coronavirus deaths. Studies have shown that drug and alcohol abuse deaths are up along with suicide.

     Alcoholism and drug abuse are hard on the addict and their loved ones. Sometimes the abuser physically harms loved ones, other times just themselves. Either way it is hard to watch someone deteriorate from any type of abuse. Many people can't cope with isolation, they need their in contact group meetings, they need their friends. Some turn to substances for lack of anything else to do...regardless of why they turn to it, the substance abuse is hard on families and on society as a whole.

     Losing a loved one is hard no matter what but losing someone to suicide is an entirely different type of pain. You not only feel the pain of loss but a heart wrenching guilt. If you have ever lost someone to suicide you know exactly what I am talking about. Most of the time it isn't like you see in movies. The person doesn't mope around or threaten suicide. They are happy, well adjusted and appear like life is wonderful then one day they end their life because they couldn't cope inside,  You had no clue, no idea and you are devastated. They are good at hiding their pain.

    I have lost several loved ones to suicide and you just never get over wondering if there was something you could have done, something you could have said, some way you could have seen their pain. In time you know that there was nothing you could have done  but that small amount of guilt still lingers.

    So with this knowledge I find myself extremely concerned for many people in our society. I worry that they cannot survive another isolation, they cannot emotionally survive losing their business which will happen with another shut down. Yes the government could help but some people need to work to feel good about themselves, they don't want to be on the government dole. No matter what the reason it is still hard on them to sit back and let someone else pay their way. Children need each other, they need contact with each other because studies have shown how important it is for them to be together, to hug and to have the ability to socialize. We all need each other even if sometimes we tire of each other.

     I completely understand the Coronavirus is real and for those with compromised immune systems and the elderly it can be serious. I understand that many people are deathly afraid of it, their fear is real!   That kind of fear is harsh and hard to deal with. I feel for them. The virus is not something I personally am afraid of getting. To me the bigger picture is devastating and scares me much more than the virus ever could. The fallout of another shut down, the suicide and the abuse.....is another shutdown worth that cost? .

. https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/08/health/coronavirus-deaths-of-despair/index.html

Its a Heart Problem, Not a Race Problem: The Only Solution is a Change of Heart

 

     As the riots of 2020 are calming down I have done a lot of reflection on the real problem. I have struggled with this piece because my emotions get the best of me and in trying to get my point across I add to the problem  that exists through the poison pen.  I have gone through so many stages of anger and frustration since the murder of George Floyd, the riots and angry social media comments by others and my angry comments in emotional retaliation. I have lost a few "friends" and angered others. I have felt anger towards people I care about and some who I barely know.

     I have noticed that both sides of the issue are full of such a deep seeded disdain right now. I noticed this as I have been working through my own feelings  and I realize that I have felt hatred in my own heart. With that reflection I come to the realization that the problem we have in the end is not a race problem, it is a hostile heat problem. So what is the answer to this problem? I am not sure, I heard a saying recently that touched me deeply, be the change you want to see. Those words are so powerful to me! They woke me up because I realize now that I have not been the change I want to see. In my anger I am a part of the problem, my heart is hostile and that hostility is the problem. How I change that is up to me.

     I had a lot more to say but today I heard a video by Terrence K. Williams that moved me very deeply. His words echo what I have been feeling and trying to say. I do not feel I can add to his words as they are spot on. I ask everyone to really listen to him, listen with an open heart and open mind.

 

     I have posted things like “if you don’t like how I feel, unfriend me.” This statement  I realize, at least in my instance, is full of ugly feelings. It is a threat to others because my heart is feeling so much anger and not the change I want to see.In saying it I am saying, agree with me or else.... It was wrong of me and I hope anyone who saw my angry post accept my apology for posting it.

     I see now the only thing I can do to be the change I want to see is change how I respond and react. If I act hateful and mean then I can’t expect others to respond in any other way. If I am kind and heartfelt then hopefully that will come across and somehow help another person feel less hatred. I just know my angry and hateful comments help no one. That is not who I am and not who I want to be.

     Terrence does speak of God and Jesus, I hope that those who do not believe in either will please just listen to all else he has to say. His words and thoughts can apply to even to the person who does not believe in God. I hope his words can help the hearts filled with hatred and anger heal and that they can somehow find a way to discover answers through love and not hate. It is hard I know, but it is necessary for peaceful survival.

    

   So you see, it is not a race problem, it is a heart problem I hope we can all sit back, look at our own hearts and decide if we are a part of the change we want to see or a part of the problems that exist. I think this realization will promote unity instead of the division that is tearing us apart.

Terrence Williams video link

 

Coronavirus Shut Down Expressive Art

     Recently I decided to try my hand at expressive art. I created this piece of art to express how I feel about the Coronavirus shut down. This is what I created. I hope to come up with a way to post the art online to sell as a picture but for now wanted to share it here....

     I am also working on a poem to go with this picture.

    I have my own meaning behind this picture. But I have learned that we all interpret things differently.

     I would love to hear the different interpretations of my readers before you read mine.

     So many emotions ran through my mind as I created this. It went in several different directions and actually ended up in a somewhat different direction than I originally planned by the end of the picture. I had not planned to have the people look so much like a child painted them but well, I am not an artist so can't paint people...this is what I came up with....the guy in the corner was supposed to be a bit different but that is how he ended up...As I created this my anger built but as I finished I felt a relief.

    So before reading on to see my meaning behind the creation, respond to this blog and tell me what you see...yes to me it is deep, it might not be to someone else and it might not be quite as deep...

    Here is my meaning behind the creation: Part of these thoughts came from what I read on social media. The comments people made stating how they feel about things...

    The four holding hands represent when we were all happy and things were beautiful in the world. we got along for the most part. We could socialize and enjoy being together.

   The three in masks represent people covering up their faces after the government shut down. They are separated and unable to care about each other. They are cold to each other because they are afraid of dying if they get too close.

    The fire represents the turmoil that is going on....the division that is happening because of the disagreement on how things have gone due to the government shut down.

    Those who wear masks are afraid of certain death if they get sick, they also say people who do not wear them don't care. They believe that wearing a mask protects them from you and you from them.  They say people who do not wear masks want people to die from the virus. The mask is a symbol of caring. If you do not wear one you are a bad person.

    Those who do not wear masks see the mask as a placebo, it is also seen as a symbol of righteousness over those who do not wear it. Those who do not wear one say they care, they just do not believe a mask will do anything. They take the Coronavirus seriously and do not want people to die but yet believe that the illness is not a death sentence. They are not afraid of it. But mostly they do not believe the mask does any good. The masks also scare them because people hiding their face behind a mask also hides their identity and to some that is scary. They like to know who it is they are seeing.
   
    Then there is the one in the middle. This person sees both sides. This person wears a mask out of respect for those who are scared but really does not see it as necessary. This person is sort of afraid of the virus but not real afraid, he is more afraid of the tension between those who are fighting. This person is so conflicted and caught in the crossfire along with the beautiful flower.

    The Earth is divided and she weeps, the flowers die and the person feels alone and defeated because of all of the fighting and tension.

    The person siting down was supposed to have a bubble around his head to represent the immune system being destroyed after people are kept away from each other for months and months. This ends with people having to live in a bubble but I did not know how to paint a bubble without covering the head.
 
    That is the meaning behind it. Mostly that we are in turmoil because one side thinks a certain way and the other thinks differently but no one can seem to get along, they just get mad at each other and the person who just wants to live is caught in the middle and destroyed.
   

Peaceful Protests Overshadowed by Violent Rioters

I am not sure if there are any peaceful protesters out there but if there are, good for you for remaining peaceful. I hope your voices are heard by those who can make changes! I stand behind you. Sadly you are being over shadowed by the violent rioters.

To the violent toxic rioters ..now cities are on curfew, people have to be afraid to leave their homes so you can destroy our cities! ....like your violence will do anything except harm innocent people and take away from the real problems. Do you really think that people care what your cause is as you burn down their business or destroy their livelihood? No one cares what you have to say!

You are spiting in the face of every decent person or movement that has ever existed and you are spitting in the face of Mr. Floyd!

Before people blow up that I need to get over having a curfew, I don't care about having to stay inside. I care that we have to because there are people making it dangerous for us to go outside because they want to violently attack and riot. They are terrorist!

I also have been accused for being a privileged racist because I do not hate all white police officers for the violent acts of bad cops. How is that any better than the bad cop hating all people because they are black?

I am sickened and saddened that there is still this much hatred in the world. I am sickened by what the bad cop, who I will not give the respect of naming, did to George Floyd. I could not even watch the video because what that cop did was torture. Nothing Mr. Floyd could have done warranted that. I do not understand that kind of hatred I do not understand how anyone can hate a person for the color of his or her skin. It just is not something I can wrap my mind around. People who hate like that must have cold hearts, their hearts must be so hard and cold to hate someone for the color of their skin.

I am just as sickened though at what these rioters are doing. They are distracting from the cause, they are giving the prejudice cold-hearted people justification in their minds for their prejudice Right or wrong those who hate will be saying "see, those people are bad just like we said, look at what they are doing. they riot, they vandalize, they steal...they are the reason we do the things we do to them." Yes wrong but how hate filled people must think. The rioters are fueling the fire of the bad cops and bad people.

The peaceful protesters are the ones who will make a difference in the end but somehow, someone has to get through to the violent rioters and make them stop. Sadly though I am not sure there are any peaceful protesters left in this cause because the violence is drowning your voices.

Cause for Concern! Colorado Health Officials Falsely Reports Death as Coronavirus

     If this is happening in small town Colorado folks we need to question all of their reports. Yes people are dying from complications of the Coronavrus but not all deaths are COVID deaths.

     The city of Cortez, Colorado which is in Montezuma Country is the subject of false reporting.  I used to live there and I know the coroner personally. He is an extremely decent and honest man. He reported this death in question as alcohol related and that is what he put on the death report, but health officials reported the death as Coronavirus because the man did test positive for it. He did not die form CV however!

     I will share the news reports here because they explain the entire story in better detail..

     People, we need to wake up! This is not an isolated incident! It is happening everywhere! Our economy is being destroyed and people are being put into financial ruin. Many people seriously fear for their lives and are afraid to step outside. We are on the verge of a civil war in my opinion. This is all  because of the COVID numbers reported for the pubic to see. The thousands of deaths reported by people that some truly trust.  Granted people do die form the illness but knowing that even this one death was falsely reported as COVID makes me question everything they are saying. I do trust dishonesty and this is not honest!

     Please really listen and read the attached stories! They explain that the CDC also says they report deaths as COVID when there is a positive test and then someone dies. So that makes me wonder how many people died from things such as in a car wreck etc but because they tested positive for COVID they were added to the numbers.

     I know Mr. Deavers personally! I know he is an honest man! He also has the documentation to support his claims! This is NOT fake news! This is real folks so I really hope that you read both news reports from credible sources and take this seriously.  Lets make this viral so that at least in this one instance the county of Montezuma can get answers!

We need to be afraid of the lies!  They will destroy us faster than any virus ever could!

      Fox News Report

      9 News Report

+COVID
+report
+CDC
+False

Curb Corona Anger For the Sake of the Kids

      

     I have heard a few stories about young people taking their own lives during the government Corona shut down. I personally know of one. I am sure there are more cases out there than are being reported because suicide is not something that people willingly put out there. It is one of the most tragic ways to lose someone you love. Any loss is tragic but losing someone to suicide is something you can only understand if you have lost someone that way…This blog is not about suicide but about the young people during the governments corona shut down and the possibility that many more young people will decide to end their own lives.

     The tragedy of suicide got me thinking about how this is affecting the kids. The littlest kids are able to adjust to the changes but the tweens and teens must be struggling. They are fragile to begin with but now their young worlds have been rocked hard.

      I know for me as an adult I look at how things are, how cruel people are to one another on social media. The constant fighting and arguing between adults, the hate spewed on a regular basis,  The name calling and the anger people express on social media and all other areas of life.

      We are not able to truly live our lives and there is no end in sight...people on the verge of losing their homes, their business and their livelihood…all of this combined depresses me as an adult so I can only imagine how a child between 10 and 18 years old  who understands much of what is going on must feel. They see all of the nasty and hateful comments on Facebook or in the news. (Sadly many parents allow their kids on FB) They see people at each other’s throats on a regular basis. If you want the country to open up and people to return to work you are evil and told by others that you just want people to die  simply because of your desire that others are able to live. You are told how horrible you are because you care about those who own small businesses and are in danger of losing everything they have worked for. You are awful if you consider all businesses and their employees essential and their need to earn an income just as important as those the government deemed essential.

     Then there are those who are truly afraid of the virus, they are afraid if they get it they are sure to die, there is no possibility they might live. They really feel this fear and I can only imagine how scary that is for them.

    All of these feelings are passed on to the kids by adults and they are not equipped mentally or emotionally to handle them.

     Then there are the kids own fears. They don’t just carry around the fears or anger they see adults displaying, they have their own fears to deal with too:   Will I ever go to school again? Will I get to see my friends again? Will my parents go to jail if they don’t obey the stay at home laws? Will my parents go to jail if they open up their business so they can take care of us? Will we starve because my parents can’t work?  Will we become homeless because my parents aren’t allowed to work? Where will we live then? Will my parents go to jail because someone turns them in for inviting my cousins over to visit because we were lonely for each other?  Will I ever see gram and gramps again? Will they die from old age before I see them again? Will someone shoot us if we go to the park to play all or if we decide to have gram and gramps over? Will my family get sick and die or will I get sick and die? Will we ever get to leave our homes again? What is the world going to look like from now on? Will we be free or will we live like prisoners in our own homes forever?  Will this ever end? These may not be big fears to some but to a young person it has to be overwhelming. Then add the adult fears to this….well, I just feel for the youth.

    It is gloomy out there. Some say it will be months before the shut downs end, to a young person, that is a lifetime, it is their youth!   If you don’t think they see or know what is going on, think again! They are more perceptive than people give them credit for. They are worried, scared and uncertain and the adults are the ones responsible for their fears!

   

    So before we lose more of our young people to suicide we need to find ways to give them hope because if we as adults feel such anger and fear or see no hope how can we expect the kids to be ok? I know what I believe the solution is however am sure many will disagree because it is not status quo and really to help the kids it doesn’t matter.

     Mostly though I know that we have to all learn to respect one another, not always agree but respect each other. I have been guilty of thinking nasty thoughts. I even express them to those closest to me but I will not fight with anyone in a public forum about the government shut down and I for certain will not discuss it with kids. They do not need that. They need reassurance that their world is not crumbling down around them even if many adults might feel it is…. Stop public fighting, regardless of whether or not you agree many adults need to stop being so hateful and cruel to each other. The Corona anger needs to halt and be curbed for the sake of the kids!

   I would love constructive comments to this blog...what do you think the solution is for our kids?  Are you seeing problems with your own kids or kids you know? Any other ideas?  Please comment on the blog so I can see what you have to say.



+kids and coronavirus
+kids and shut down
+kids and suicide
+adults fighting