Shining a New Light on Valentine's Day

     Sometimes I find myself becoming a bit cynical about things...then something happens that makes me stop and rethink my cynicism.

     Valentines Day is one of those things that I have been extremely cynical about for many years.  i have thought of it as a time for people to express love and caring on this one day when they don't care the rest of the year. I have thought of it as day for the guilty to appease his or her guilt ridden conscience by showering the victim of the guilt with lavish gifts. I have thought of it as the day for huge companies to make loads of money on things people really do not need. (Similar to Christmas). I have thought of it as a time for a person to look good and loving to others when really they don't care a bit about them.

     While for some these things may hold true, thoughts entered my mind today and brought a new light to Valentines Day for me.

     First of all I received some extremely sweet and thoughtful gifts from my students. These darling children. It is not always easy to express how you feel so it is nice having a day dedicated to spreading love and kindness. Granted we should do this every day but who can afford gifts on a daily basis and honestly we don't have time to give every day, nor the money. So for these kids it is a time when they can show how much they appreciate their teachers and each other. I think the most special gift for me was the note written on a piece of paper from one of my students telling me how much she appreciates me. It was nothing fancy but from her heart making it priceless.

     I think the biggest revelation for me though was watching my decorate a booth for a couple at the restaurant where he works. The man wanted to take his girlfriend to a nice dinner so my son decorated it for him. This made me remember how thoughtful my son was of his girlfriend. He did not simply buy her flowers on Valentine's Day. He showed her love every day of the week and he bought her flowers on a regular basis. Not so appease for a fight or relive his guilty mind but simply because he loved her.  Her flower vase was never void of live flowers. What a wonderful testament of love. He did not hawe to do it, he did it out of love. I could see him being the one to decorate a restaurant for his girlfriend.

     So with these thoughts in mind I decided that while it might be superficial and many people do only buy things to ease their troubled consciences...there are just a many or more people out there who simply use the day to express their love and go above and beyond because it is in their heart to do so.

+Valentines Day

The Importance of Delta's: Focusing on Positives Only is Food for Delta Growth

     Last school year and the one before I belonged to Specials PLC meetings at our school. If you don't know what a PLC is or Specials are, PLC is Professional Learning Community and Specials are the art, music, gifted, PE teachers, librarian, and in our school also Dine teachers...We had a meeting together to discuss what was happening in our classrooms and how we could collaborate together to meet student needs.

     Most times meetings can be dreadful but I must say I looked forward to our Specials PLC meetings every week. We talked about our positives and laughed about our deltas (negatives). Sometimes our deltas far overshadowed our positives but that made it even more comical for us. These meetings made me smile and feel good. It was also a time of camaraderie.

     I was visiting with some of my friends from my school and talking about the deltas. I am so thankful the district put the deltas on our notes, they wanted us to write them down.I got to thinking of how important those were. It was important to get the deltas out in the open so that we could move past them. If you only focus on the positives you can't get rid of the negatives. We were not complaining, we were not whining we were simply getting out in the open the things that were deltas, the things that got us down, the things that sometimes were out of our control.

     At some of our meetings we would start in on our deltas. We all knew what each others deltas were because we talked about them other times too. Then we would get to positives and sometimes struggled to find them...so we would laugh at that fact and pull something silly our of the air...then we would laugh some more. Not just a little chuckle, sometimes we would laugh so hard we would cry. Then we would leave our meeting and feel free of those particular deltas for the time being.

     I think that was one thing that kept us sane. It is important to recognize the deltas, get them out in the open because well, in reality no matter how much you try to ignore them, they are there. If you don't get them out in the open they fester like an open sore and will eventually rot your insides making it impossible for positives to bloom.

Picture Tribute to Disney's Main Street Electrical Parade

     When I was a young child one of my favorite things to do at Disneyland was to watch the electrical parade. As an adult it had the same magic even when it returned to Disney's California Adventure Park.

     Every time we hear the Electrical Parade song we get up and dance. My grandma would even dance in her wheel chair. It is simply, well, magical. Makes you feel happy inside.

     Then in 2010 the parade left Disney's California Adventure Park. We were very sad to see it leave.

     In 2017 the parade returned to Disneyland to everyone excitement! It was wonderful hearing the sounds again and watching it make its magic once again at Disneyland.

     Sadly however the parade left the park in August of 2017 to supposedly retire forever. I hope somehow they bring it back but fear they may not.

      I created a Youtube picture video tribute to the parade that makes people dance and move to to the magic. Its amazing splendor will be missed by all who loved the parade.

Picture Tribute to the Electrical
Parade

Amoeba through Microscope

    Recently my sixth grade students looked at microorganisms. They had a lot of fun with this. One of my studnets found that one of his organisms had really grown so the kids took video of it on their phones. I know they are not the best quality and hard to see but hopefully you get a glimpse of what we saw.

     It was rather interesting. It does shake because well, a phone is not the best recording device.

Amoeba through Microscope 

Fond Christmas Memories Through the Eyes of a Child

     As yet another Christmas Eve is upon us many thoughts entered my mind. First  I was saddened that this I did not have the money to purchase gifts for loved ones. But yet I also thought about the fact when people need things they purchase them or when I want to get something for someone I just get it regardless of the time of year. That promoted  me to thinking that it is silly to go out and buy gifts that I can't afford for people just because it is Christmas.

     All of these thoughts prompted me to look back at the memories of Christmas time I hold dearest to my heart. The gifts I received were nice however those are not the feel good, warm, loving memories I hold dearest to my heart.

     When I think of my fondest memories of Christmas season, those warm fuzzy feeling memories one of the first that comes to mind is when my mom and I used to travel from our home to my grandparents home for Christmas I feel so happy inside when I remember going to my aunt and uncles on Christmas Eve with all of my cousins and then back to grandma and grandpas house. Us kids would go to bed and talk about how excited we were for the next day.

    Christmas morning we woke up to grandma making breakfast, we opened our gifts and then spent the day with family. Sometimes my cousins did not stay all night at grandma and grandpas but the next morning they were there for breakfast and Christmas dinner.

     As time went on and I grew up I still have fond memories of Christmas dinner at grandmas house. I did not have kids yet but still had those warm feelings just being with my family.

   My kids came along so we made our own special memories. These are some of the dearest to my heart. Our memories started a few days before Christmas
some years, we baked cookies, decorated the house and sang Christmas songs.

     Then along came Christmas Eve when we would read books, open one gift and then sing songs. I think the most precious memories are of my kids running into my room telling me it was time to get up to open gifts. The excitement in their eyes as they looked in their stockings and opened their new treasures. Then after their grandma came over for dinner we would play games and just enjoy our day together.

     My kids are now grown so our memories are with my grandson. I find that those precious memories of my childhood were felt through my children and now my grandson.

     When I think back on the Christmas days I hold most dear I do not think of the gifts I received, I loved the gifts but the warm feelings, the best feelings are of the special traditions and memories I made with my family and also the excitement of Christmas through the eyes of a child.

Recognizing the Negatives to See the Positives

     Earlier I wrote about recognizing the wall of negativity in life so that you can tear it down to see the positives on the other side. I have been so consumed by negative feelings lately that I just can’t seem to break through to the positives in my life that I know are on the other side of the wall. I can identify them and remember them but the negative is so strong that  I can’t seem to truly see them. This makes it hard to get through each day. It is difficult to function, to complete every day activities and to simply feel good. I am sad, miserable and much of the time angry. I tell myself I have so much to be thankful for and I should not let things get to me, to make me so angry. I work on it, pray on it and think I have things under control until I look at the wall and see those bricks as so very strong.

     Now my goal is to knock them down. To throw them from my wall so that it is no longer blocking my view of the positives lurking on the other side. I am sure this will be a regular process beause negavie things are powerful, they seem to grab us when we are not expecting them and knock the ground from under us hwne we are already down.

     My negatives might not be as bad as other people are experiencing but they are mine, they are what has built this wall and what keep it stong. My negative might outnumber the positives rignt now but once I start throwin them from the wall I might just be alble to forget them and eventually toss them away.

     Some of my negatives are not something I will put out there pubically. They are rough and things that I am really working on. I know what they are, I know my struggles and I think those negatives that we must keep to ourselves are the ones that might remain in our wall but that is ok as long as we remove enough to see the positives on the other side.

     My first negative that I can write about here is that one sorrow I feel over my kids growing up and no longer wanting me to be a part of their lives. That I think is one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with. It hurts and makes me sad. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep because I miss them so very much and I want to be as important to them as they are to me. I thought  moving in with my oldest would make us close again but he has no time for me, he seems bothered if I try to talk to him and I feel like I am just a bother most of the time.

     My youngest and I used to be extremely close but for the last couple of years that has ended too. I moved away and he is still in Colorado so that makes it even harder but he has his own life which also does not include me. I think though that we could still have a good visit someday however just do not feel that important.

     Finances are some of the main bricks in my wall moving has completely drained me and destroyed me financially to the point I am not sure I will ever recover unless I get a second job.

     I live with people who keep me angry all of the time, I don’t like feeling that angry but lazy and dirty just make me angry. I might not be as stressed over it if I didn’t have so many other bricks in my wall.

     I miss my grandson terribly. He has been such an important part of my life since he was born and now I don’t see him as much as I want to. I blame myself for leaving but yet I do not want to go back to Colorado. He is the joy of my life though, he loves me still so very much so it is hard not being around him all of the time.

     My job is one of the biggest negatives in my life. I hate it, I feel inadequate and so much pressure there. Every day I have to go is pure torture. It is torture getting out of bed to go there and the entire day is torture while I am there. The only time I am happy during the week is when I get off. The people are nice enough but don’t really let you in…so it is lonely.

      I think loneliness is one of the other negatives now that is bothering me most of all. I thought it would be neat to be near friends here in Arizona but they all live on the other side of the city. I thought I would visit my son some but like I said, he never wants to be bothered by me. I am just in the way.

     Now that I have recognized the negatives, the things that keep me in constant turmoil I will look at the positives.

     The biggest is that my mom loves me more than anything in the world. I know that and I feel it. I enjoy when I am with her and she is my best friend.

    The other is my sweet little grandson who loves me unconditionally, he needs me and he loves to spend time with me.

     I am earning money at my job.

     God loves me.

     I have some great friends back in Colorado and New Mexico who truly truly love and care about me.

     I have a roof over my head.

     I have a car to drive.

     I have food to eat.

     I have lost some weight due to the stress so stress can be good.

     That is all I can think of for now. I will edit and add as I think of things. Hopefully this will help me focus on the positives and I hope the negative bricks are now on the ground.

https://kimsiscstuff.blogspot.com/2017/11/reconizing-wall-of-negativity-is-first.html

Reconizing the Wall of Negativity is the First Step to Knocking it Down

     Sometimes in life the negatives seem to overcome us. They become these bricks that slowly build  this sturdy wall that seems to define us, becomes the essence of our being whether we want it to be or not. We try and try to knock the wall down but with every small brick we remove, the negatives march in making it stronger.  We feel like there are more negatives than positives, there are more bricks that are providing the foundation for our wall of negativity than ways of tearing it down.

       Each of these bricks are the  negatives  that make us feel angry, upset, so angry and upset that we feel shaky inside, and sick inside. These negatives strangle us most of the time making it hard to breathe. These are negatives that consume us, overwhelm us, and make it hard to see through them to the positives.

     Maybe, just maybe though while we are living through these times where the wall of negatives are clouding our view of the positives it is necessary to recognize them, to own them so that we can truly knock them down. You can’t lie and say they are not there because, they are. Each and every brick is there no matter how hard we try to deny it. The more you try to ignore them, the stronger they become, the more they become the foundation of our being, the meaning of who we are. That is not healthy, it is not how life should be but the wall is so powerful at times you just can’t seem to knock it down. 

     People say you should count your blessings. You try and you try to count them because you know that there are many blessings in life however, you fail over and over and over again. You count those blessings but the wall is stronger than you are and it is still there because while you see the positives on the other side each and every brick is still holding strong clouding your view.

     So once you know the bricks are in place and the wall is strong it is time to find a way to weaken the wall. Possibly the only way is to look at each brick in the wall one by one, accept the fact that they are there, that the wall is there, so you can toss it away making the wall weaker as you go. This process will not happen swiftly, the wall did not go up in a day. It took years to build, years of negatives, yeas of anger and years of frustration. So we can’t expect it to come down overnight. We just have to recognize each brick as we toss it aside. In the end the negatives might still remain a part of life, the bricks may be there because we do not always have control over the negatives in life but we can control how the bricks are placed. By recognizing them and realizing that they exist making us angry, upset and sometimes just plain livid, we are able to scatter them around so that we have a clear view of the positives on the other side.

     I have reached a point in my life where the negatives are consuming me. I have that sensation of deep anger, the anger and frustration that make me ill, strangles me most of the time making it hard to breathe. The anger that wakes me up at night, consumes my daily thoughts and has become a wall so tall I am unable to see the positives on the other side even though I count them often, even though I know they are there. The wall has consumed me and it is time to knock it down scattering the bricks around me because many of them will not go away, they just need to stop being a part of the wall.