Sometimes in life the negatives seem to overcome us. They become these bricks that slowly build this sturdy wall that seems to define us, becomes the essence of our being whether we want it to be or not. We try and try to knock the wall down but with every small brick we remove, the negatives march in making it stronger. We feel like there are more negatives than positives, there are more bricks that are providing the foundation for our wall of negativity than ways of tearing it down.
Each of these bricks are the negatives that make us feel angry, upset, so angry and upset that we feel shaky inside, and sick inside. These negatives strangle us most of the time making it hard to breathe. These are negatives that consume us, overwhelm us, and make it hard to see through them to the positives.
Maybe, just maybe though while we are living through these times where the wall of negatives are clouding our view of the positives it is necessary to recognize them, to own them so that we can truly knock them down. You can’t lie and say they are not there because, they are. Each and every brick is there no matter how hard we try to deny it. The more you try to ignore them, the stronger they become, the more they become the foundation of our being, the meaning of who we are. That is not healthy, it is not how life should be but the wall is so powerful at times you just can’t seem to knock it down.
People say you should count your blessings. You try and you try to count them because you know that there are many blessings in life however, you fail over and over and over again. You count those blessings but the wall is stronger than you are and it is still there because while you see the positives on the other side each and every brick is still holding strong clouding your view.
So once you know the bricks are in place and the wall is strong it is time to find a way to weaken the wall. Possibly the only way is to look at each brick in the wall one by one, accept the fact that they are there, that the wall is there, so you can toss it away making the wall weaker as you go. This process will not happen swiftly, the wall did not go up in a day. It took years to build, years of negatives, yeas of anger and years of frustration. So we can’t expect it to come down overnight. We just have to recognize each brick as we toss it aside. In the end the negatives might still remain a part of life, the bricks may be there because we do not always have control over the negatives in life but we can control how the bricks are placed. By recognizing them and realizing that they exist making us angry, upset and sometimes just plain livid, we are able to scatter them around so that we have a clear view of the positives on the other side.
I have reached a point in my life where the negatives are consuming me. I have that sensation of deep anger, the anger and frustration that make me ill, strangles me most of the time making it hard to breathe. The anger that wakes me up at night, consumes my daily thoughts and has become a wall so tall I am unable to see the positives on the other side even though I count them often, even though I know they are there. The wall has consumed me and it is time to knock it down scattering the bricks around me because many of them will not go away, they just need to stop being a part of the wall.