Is Google trying to Keep My Money?

     I have tried to contact Google AdSense

to no avail. They had me on hold for an hour today only to say they closed and would not take my call. They then said that I could use their web support.

    Their web support is a joke. There is no way to find a solution to the issue I am having and I see many others are having the same issue.

    When I go to my AdSense account it tells me I need to sign the new terms of service. So, I read them and at the end it just says that an admin needs to sign the account. 

    I am the admin! I am the only one who has used my account and I checked the system, I am using the right Gmail too. There is no reason for it not to let me in.

    This is frustrating enough but to have no way to contact the company is ridiculous. 

    I wonder if they do this so they can keep all of the money people have earned? I mean if you can't get into your account then you can't cash out. So what better way to avoid paying people. Just don't let them into their accounts and provide no way to fix the issue.

    If anyone knows how to contact AdSense or how to sign the terms as the admin that I am please let me know.

    Oh and their solution online is to sign in as a different user. Wait, common sense tells me that I can't sign into my account as someone else. 

   Come on Google get it together and be a better company. 

Being Sad Does not Mean Ungrateful

     I really wanted to go look at Halloween lights I'd seen on social media. There were some homes that looked amazing. I thought it would be fun to get some pictures. But I didn't want to go alone.  

     As I was driving home from my second job I thought  of how I used to call my mom and say "you want to go to a movie tonight? Or for a walk, or out to eat?" She was always ready to go if she felt up to it. She would get dressed and be ready when I got home. Tonight I wanted to go to the lights and it broke my heart because I can no longer call my mom and say "get ready, lets go." She would have been so excited to go look at the lights. Actually when I saw them on social media and showed her we would have made a plan.

    However as I drove home I thought of the lights and all of the things that I miss. Not just the big things but the small, everyday things that have changed so much in my life all alone without my mom. The things I miss so much. The things that hurt so bad it feels like someone is sitting hard on my chest trying to crush it. These little things don't hit out of the blue, they are there every single day in one way or another.  Somedays I can hold back the tears, other times the tears flow freely always with sobs. 

    This sadness does not mean I am not grateful for all of the times I spent with my mom. I am grateful for the many things my mom and I did together. I will always feel blessed to have had her as my mom and best friend. I am so lucky. That does not mean the things I miss out on aren't sad, aren't heartbreaking and sometimes unbearable.

    So tonight I wanted to go see Halloween lights, being unable to call my mom and have her get ready to go made me very sad but not ungrateful, just sad.

Let Her Be Extra

      When I was a teenager I got upset when my mom wanted to know what was going on in my life. That is how teenagers are. 

    Once I became an adult there would be times when my mom would ask me what I was doing and I would think to myself "mom that isn't any of your business" I would roll my eyes in my mind but I would usually tell her. 

    When the phone would ring sometimes I would think to myself, "Oh mom I am busy right now and don't have time to talk." But I would answer anyhow or call her later. Most of the time I wanted to talk but sometimes I felt inconvenienced only because I was busy.

    When I went shopping with my mom it was so fusterating at times. My mom was this shopper who looked at everything, I mean everything. I don't necessarily mean different items. If she wanted toilet paper she would look at every package and have to figure which one was the best deal. This might take several minutes, like 15 or more.  If she wanted soup she would compare just about every can of soup the store had. We laughed about it and she would just say she is a fugle shopper or we just didn't know how to shop.

    When we were on vacation she was always the last to get ready. She just took her time. I never really knew why it took her so long but, it did. We always teased her about it and she always denied it saying it was because she was waiting on us. We just kept teasing and she kept denying. But we laughed about it. Well sometimes she didn't but the rest of us did. 

    When she came to live with me after she got sick  she always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. If I was late getting home from work she would worry.  If I got a phone call she wanted to know who was on the phone. I felt a bit put out at times but I told her. 

      She loved to shop at Wal Mart so we went there when she needed things and she still shopped the same way, looking at everything for a very long time. She did move slower because she was sick and she was a lot older but still we were at the store much longer than I wanted to be while she price checked T.P. haha

    There were times I wanted to go do things alone but she always wanted to go too. I understand because she was alone all day. I would come home and pick her up though. In my mind I would wish she stayed home because I just wanted that alone time but we went to do things and usually had a good time. 

     There would be times when I came home from work and I just wanted to sit and not talk. However my mom who had been home all day was full of things to say so she would talk and talk. I would wish for her to just not want to talk but she was very vocal. So we talked. 

    I never really minded taking her shopping but at times it was a bit extra (over the top at times). Sometimes when she wanted to know things that I thought were not really any of her concern it felt a bit extra. I think we can all be a bit extra sometimes. Acutally I am sure my kids think I am extra most of the time. However moms don't do things to be extra. They ask where you are because they love you, they want to know things because they want to be a part of your life even though sometimes they might ask when they don't need to know. It is all done out of love.

    My mom was not just my mom, she was my best friend. She was a sweet and loving woman. One of the kindest hearts I've ever known. We spent a lot of time together and she could be "extra" at times.

    Now that my mom is gone I would give anything for my phone to ring when I am busy and it be my mom or I would love for her to ask me questions that I do not really want to answer. Oh how beautiful it would be to have her break the silence when I am alone missing her by talking to me.  I would gladly let her come along when I want to be alone I would love to wait for her to take her time getting ready to go places and I would give anything in the world to take her shopping and have her look at everything for a long time and price check the items she wanted. I would love to let her be extra. Extra is not a bad thing, yes extra can be inconvenient at times and it can be annoying but at the end of the day extra is wonderful, extra is loving, extra is caring, extra is  special. 

   It is ok to be extra sometimes. Give moms the grace to be extra because someday you will miss that extra special mom in your life. 

Grief Over Selling Moms Treasures

    One of the hardest things I have had to face in the last couple of weeks was selling and giving away my moms things. She had so many things that she loved. They meant so much to her but yet I sold them for next to nothing or just gave them away. That is hard. I mean how do you put a price on a loved ones treasures? There is no price. To that person they were priceless.

     My mom and I had plans to get a place and put all of our things in our new place but that didn't happen. She left this world and I have to sell them because I don't have the room for her stuff nor do I need much of it. But how do you do that without feeling sad? I don't even know. All I know is that it is hard and the next step will be her personal belongings. Those will sell for even less and that is heartbreaking. 

    As I sold my moms furniture for next to nothing I felt guilty. I thought of how she would be saying; "we can get more than that" or "don't sell that, I love it."  She would for sure value those things for more than I sold them for. However to other people they do not have that same monetary value. 

    A week later I was thinking about the things I sold and gave away so easily and it hit me right in the gut how bad that makes me feel. I feel like I sold a piece of my precious mom. I know I didn't  but that is how I feel. I think of how much she loved her home, how proud she was of her home, how sad she was when she had to move and sell her home, then place all of her treasured things in storage. She spoke often of how much she missed her home and her things. It was sad then and sad now. 

    Then in a few days those items were gone. People came, they purchased for next to nothing and they left. I don't blame them, you don't want to pay much for used items but it still hurts to think of how much they meant to my mom and how she didn't get to enjoy them for 3 years. 

    Moving forward I have to remind myself that they are just things, I can't keep paying storage on them and she would be glad someone is enjoying them instead of having them sit in storage. That thought gives me some comfort as I feel sorrow over selling my moms things. 

   There are a few things, probably more than a few, that I will keep for a long time. They are things I just can't part with.  Hopefully when I am able to sell them it won't be quite the gut punch as it is now. 

   

    

Moms Unconditional Love

     There is one person in your life who is always there for you. who never give up on you when you feel like giving up on yourself. 

     She is always there to pick up the pieces when things in your life fall apart. 

     She always has time for you, even if you don't have time for her. If she has plans she will drop everything she is doing just to spend time with you. If you say you need her she is there anytime day or night, all you have to do is reach out to her, call her, ask her to come over, go to see her. She is there. 

     She will stay up all night just to be with you. You never have to ask to go see her, her door is always open. 

     Her love for you is never questionable, you always know she loves you even when you break her heart. 

     She will annoy you by checking to see how you are doing or just wanting to be a part of your life. 

     She is the person who will love you when you do not feel like you deserve love.

    That person is your mom. 

    Never take your mothers love for granted. Once she is gone you cannot get it back.

      You will miss that annoying  call or text asking how things are going and wanting to be a part of your world.

      You will wish you had her love back every second of every day while your world is falling apart and you will have no one to turn to who loves you unconditionally like your mom.