Alcohol Aroma: The Negative Impact of Certain Smells

Aromas are interesting; just one smell can take you to back to the best times in your life where you feel happy and carefree. Then on the other end of the spectrum smells can take you to some of the worst times of your life bringing back just about every negative time and feeling you ever had. The smell that has a negative impact on my emotions is alcohol. The smell of alcohol takes me to the worst times in my life.

Drinking alcohol does not make people bad. I know that. Not all people have problems with alcohol but for me it is a problem and it does not fit into my life in any way, shape or form.  Just the smell literally is toxic to me.

Alcohol had done nothing in my life except cause pain. My ex husband was mentally abusive when he drank, it destroyed my marriage. He even made me hate the saying “its five o’clock somewhere” because that was one of his favorite sayings when I would tell him 9 AM was too early to start drinking.

I lived through my brother-in- laws suicide because of alcohol. I watched my ex husband drink himself into dementia and I’ve seen the abuse of it destroy so many things in mine and others lives. It has caused nothing but harm and destruction.

Whenever I smell alcohol it takes me back to every time my ex husband told me it was five o’clock somewhere, every time he yelled or belittled me because I was …myself…every time I counted the beers he drank, found the hidden bottles, was embarrassed by his behavior around my family and friends. Every fear I had that someone might come over to my house when he was drunk. Every time I stayed up late so he would pass out on the couch so I did not have to sleep in the same room. Every time he looked at me with those bloodshot eyes and spoke with that slurred speech that made my stomach turn.

My ex drinking all of the time is not the only negative experience I have had with alcohol but it is most prominent in my mind when I smell the stuff. I don’t think people understand what the smell does not me, how dreadfully negative the impact aroma has on my emotions.

Yes people can drink and it has no impact on their lives, for me though just the aroma is detrimental. 

How to Cope With Bullies in the Workplace?

    This post is not to tell how I cope with bullies in the workplace, it is asking my readers if they have any suggestions for me to cope with the bullies in my workplace. I wrote in an earlier post about how I was bullied at work for my honesty. I still have to deal with those bullies and well, I do not handle them well. I am hoping someone can tell me how to handle them, how to deal better without letting them impact my thoughts, my health and my mental well being.

     Thankfully I do not have to be around my bullies every day. I don't see them often but, they do have an impact on my job and I will have to deal with them more as the year progresses.  I will have to deal with one of them on a regular basis in the future and well, I am not sure how I am going to cope. The thought makes me literally sick to my stomach. What is hardest of all is that the bully I will deal with isn't even the one who bullied me however she is a part of the group of bullies and I have watched her bully others. When I deal with those who bullied me and took my position away I do get physically ill and feel my mental health is at risk because of the extreme stress.

     One of the bullies enters our building from time to time and well, I avoid her as much as I can. I just cannot even stomach her. It isn't even something I do consciously. My stomach gets all tied in knots when I hear her voice. I feel the same stress and sadness I felt when she caused me to lose my position at work for being honest. When I do speak to her I am civil and professional but I can't just can't cover my dislike for her. I can't pretend to be nice and sweet to her. I just cannot make myself do that and well really I should not have to. I am professional and that is all I should have to be. But, I shouldn't have to feel the stress when she is near. She doesn't have to even do anything for me to feel that stress, she just has to  be in the building. And she is the one who told me that this was all God's plan, His doing. That is not at all true, God would not do that.

     I don't see the main bully thankfully, she has pretty much faded away and I hope it stays that way. As for the other bully, I worry about what I am going to do once I have to be around her more often. It makes me sick and feel such stress. I just don't know how I am going to be around this person and not show my complete and total dislike for her....well, actually I do not have to like her or show that i like her, I just have to be civil and professional but am not sure how to do that once I am around her on a regular basis.

     Any ideas and thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. I will update on this as things progress. Thankfully the holiday season is near and I will have a break from worrying about the bullies. But when I return the worry will begin again. I keep hoping somehow the bullies will magically disappear.

Bullying in the Workplace

Justice Only in Injury or Death

     This is an old case and related to an old post but it is still an issue and still wrong. My son was denied his life saving medicine while he was incarcerated for using said medicine. The case was dropped because, well, they had nothing against him but, the fact still remains that he could have died while in jail. The other fact that remains is that no one cares unless someone is physically damaged or dies.

     I have tried to find an attorney to help with this case. All we wanted really was justice against Montezuma Country Jail for denying my son his inhaler while he was in their jail. They were blatant in their denial and the only reason he did not die was because he knows relaxation techniques that calmed him enough to give him breath. But, there are times that does not work for him and he did feel like he was going to die several times. They had no right to deny his medicine when he begged for it and then deny him medical treatment when he begged to go to the ER because he could not breathe. They are not physicians so they do not know what his needs were and were not qualified to determine his need for medial attention.

     What makes me most upset is that the attorneys I called regarding this matter said what the jail did was wrong but that there's no recourse against them unless a person suffers injury or death. Well this jail has done things that resulted in the death of inmates before. So I wonder how many people have to die at their hands before something is done.

     My son did not deserve to be denied his medicine while in the jail, he was wrongly placed there to begin with but that is not the issue with this post. The issue is that he could have died and if he had then something would be done. That is wrong and it is too bad no one will step up to promote the change it takes to stop these jails from endangering people's lives. It should not take an injury or death for change to happen. Change should happen because it is right and justice should not only come in injury or death.

Stomping on the US Constitution

When Teachers Bully Students

With all of the bullying in society today I have touched on bullying in the workplace and now want to touch on teacher bullying. Kids are not just bullied by their classmates, I have seen many teachers bully students and it is wrong. These young people need their teachers to care about them, to nurture them. They do not need the teacher to also be a bully. I wrote this article several years ago and wanted to share it here on my blog. 

As Bobby walks down the hall, the other kids taunt him and tease him. They call him names and make fun of him for how he looks. Sadly, though, the torment does not end there. He is constantly bullied when he enters the classroom too, but not by the other students, this time his tormentor is his teacher. The one person at school who is supposed to prevent bullying, is tormenting students.

Teachers may not be aware that the way they sometimes treat students is bullying, but it is as tormenting to kids as being bullied by other students is.

Bulling is defined as repeated acts over time attempting to create or enforce one group or persons power over another. Some teachers do this very thing to students on a daily basis, and may not even be aware that what they are doing is bullying and can be very damaging to some kids.

When a student is late to class, many teachers have the other students taunt and tease him as he enters the classroom. The teacher will stand in front of the classroom saying "oh everyone, look it’s Johnny, he's late. Say hi to Johnny." The kids will laugh and tease him. Some kids may not be bothered by this, but there are kids who feel very intimidate when treated this way. Sometimes they become very anxious about going to class and may even be late because they are so anxious. There are also children who may reach a point where they have panic attacks and are unable to attend the class at all. The teacher may think that this approach is going to stop the tardiness, but it is only bullying to some students who feel inferior already. The teacher should point out that Johnny is late to him by having him stay after class. It is not the other students business and the teacher should not use them as a disciplinary tool.

Teachers tend to think that embarrassing students will make them do better in class. If a kid does poorly on a test, many times the teacher will tell the class that everyone did great on the test except for Johnny. The teacher will embarrass Johnny not really knowing whether or not Johnny tried his best. This makes him feel stupid and many times he will never try again. He will just shut down and feel inferior to the other students.

There are students whose parents are very involved in their education. They talk to the teachers and try to stay informed. Some teachers do not like to be bothered by parents. They use this against kids and tell them that their mom called in front of the other students, they say this because it annoys them that the parent is involved. Or the teachers spout off personal issues about the student in front of the other students. Some kids do not handle this well and it is a form of bullying to them. Teachers do need to remember that all information about each kid is confidential and they should not use it to discipline. It is not discipline, it is bullying.

Some teachers make it a point to embarrass students every chance they get. They never stop to think that these are just kids and maybe they are feeling insecure and scared. The might just need one person to be nice to them, to actually care. There may come a day that of the kids who is being bullied by the teacher might have thoughts of suicide because he is also mistreated by other students. If the teacher bullies him, then he just might go over the edge and end his life. Teachers do need to discipline students but not to the point, it becomes bullying.

+bullying +teacher +classroom +teacher bullying

Integrity and Honesty Only Lead to: Bullying in the Workplace

     With all the talk of bullying regarding children I wanted to touch on bullying in the work place. It might not seem that bad to some but if you are on the other end of the bullying it is extremely difficult and can cause a person a lot of undue stress and pain. It certainly makes it hard to get through each work day and lets the wind out of your sails.  I speak of this because it happened to me this year and I lost a position at work that I am good at and I love.

     Last year was my first year teaching and I landed my dream job, teaching gifted education. I got in on a waiver and was told I had two years to complete classes and take the gifted exam. I tried to start my college classes at a college in the state where I work  the first year but they cost $900+ for out of state tuition, there was no funding, no loans, just me paying cash up front because I hold an MA degree. Well, I could not afford that. So I asked my superior at work if I had to take the classes the first year and he simply said "you have two years" in the tone of " I told you that you have two years, what part of that did not not understand?" That said,  I assumed that I had the two years. I did try to sign up for classes again at the college my supervisor suggested in the spring but found they would only be offered based on enrollment.  So, I began classes in the form of a Master degree this past summer at the same online university where I completed my Master degree in education and will be done within the two years my superior originally said that I had.

     I loved my job, I was excited, enthusiastic and ready to "change the world."I had so many plans for my students, I had great ideas and could not wait for them to unfold. Once the bullying began I began to struggle with making it through the day but still had that enthusiasm...for a while. In the end though, they have deflated me and taken the breath out of my passion. So now I will tell you all about the bullying I experienced that has taken me from and excited new teacher to a burnt out teacher after only a year. A once enthusiastic and passionate  teacher  who is now struggling just  to make it through the year.

     My license is for K-8, my new superior, not my principal but a person from administration, told me I had to case manage high school kids. I contacted someone at state level for other reasons but asked her about case managing gifted high school students with a K-8 license, she told me I should not do it because it would  violate my license. I told this to my superior and showed her the e-mail I received from the lady at state level but she told me I had been deceptive with the lady at state and ordered me to case manage the high school students again. I then called the state licensing bureau and was told by three people at the licensing bureau it was a violation of my license to even case manage any students at the high school level. I was not qualified since I hold a K-8 license.  The superior at administration in a round about way told me I was a liar, told others in administration I am a liar. This person also accused me of being insubordinate and my job was on the line. I was told that her superior had stated if I did not do this I would lose my job. I was accused of not wanting to work. All because I was trying to do what was legal and right. All because I also cared about my school district and did not want them to be fined either because in the end if they are fined the kids are the ones who suffer.

     This bullying lasted for almost two months. The administrator would tell me that I was being dishonest and that I had to do what she was saying I kept telling her to call the people at state but she for some reason she would not call or message anyone at state level.until after I involved the union.

I had been trying to get documentation from the licensing bureau in regards to what I had been told but no one was responding to my messages. I finally messaged someone different and received a written response confirming what I had been saying all along. Once the lady at administration received that information she did order me to stop working on the paper work for the high school students. I had finally given in to the bullying and was doing what I believe was illegal and wrong because I was given a direct order from other superiors. I was told I would lose my job and I could not afford that.

     I had a meeting with union, HR and the lady in administration. The lady at administration stated that the licensing bureau and people at state level were wrong and I could case manage high school students. She said she was having the entire issue researched.

     That very afternoon my gifted waiver was denied. I believe that the woman at administration worked hard to have my gifted waiver denied for this year and well, I am no longer a gifted teacher.  Union and the state worked on things so that I could have gotten my waiver approved because I proved I had tried to take classes and was working on classes currently but the district would not give me back my positron so, that was that state said there was no need to renew my waiver this year.

     The woman at administration who bullied me caused me many tears, she caused me to feel inadequate, she made me doubt myself, I had sores in my mouth and  suffered high levels of stress. The only things that kept me going were my family, the students and friends at work. But it has not been easy. Those in administration above this woman never came to me to find out what was going on, they just believed her, threatened my job and told me to do what was illegal or else.

     This entire thing did not only effect me, it caused other staff a lot of undo stress and did in the end effect the students too. No one seemed to care about them at all. Those in administration did not appear to care about their needs. They just wanted to be right, legal or not, and were going to get their own way no matter who it harmed.

     If this type of bullying and treatment had happened to someone who was maybe emotionally unstable, who knows what they might have done. If it had been someone suicidal, yes I can see how they might have decided that it is not worth it. It was that bad! Thankfully I am not a suicidal person but there were many times I just wanted to lay in bed and not get up. I am OCD and noticed a lot of my issues that have been gone for years resurface. I also have been off of Prevacid for years but felt the need to start taking it again.

     It is very sad that those at the administration level do not want those who work for them to be honest people, they don't want teachers who are thinking of the school district and the students (if the school is fined, the ones who will suffer are the kids), they don't want someone who really cares about what is legal, right, honest and best. It is apparent they just want the "yes" man or woman who will do what they are told no matter what.

      I am no longer being bullied but that is because I am no longer the gifted teacher, they not only bullied me but stripped me of that too. I was told that the district heads have a horrible impression of me as someone who just does not want to work and yes that hurts and yes there have been many tears because that is not the person I am

. Tears because all I wanted to do was what was right, tears because I only wanted to protect my license, district and the kids and tears because I lost a position I love.

    One of the people at administration even had the nerve to  stop me in the hall one day and tell me  this was all God's plan. She said it all worked out how He wanted it to.  I was floored, God wanted me bullied, He wanted me to lose my passion for teaching, He wanted our kids hurt,  I don't think so and I was extremely offended that she would even mention God in this. She had no right at all.It actually worked out how they wanted it, they were playing a game that they were going to win no matter what the cost. God does not play those kind of games.

     I have not received an apology either but then they do not think they did anything  thing wrong,  they feel justified in all they did. This makes me wonder if that is how all bullies feel? I wonder if that is how they justify their bullying?

     Would I do it again? Would I stand up for what is legal, honest and right again? Nope, if I had it to do over again I would just be the "yes" man and do what I was told. I would make sure my own license was protected but I would not worry about anything else but myself because integrity and honesty only lead to bullying in the workplace and it is not worth it to fight the bullies because in the end they will persevere over honesty and integrity.

Show Your Love While People Still Live

    On October 10, 2016 at the school where I teach, we lost a wonderful teacher and friend. She was taken from us instantly in a car wreck. The students and staff were all in shock when we found out. You could feel the sadness in our building, the sorrow we all felt at the loss of such a beautiful person, our P.E. teacher, taken away so very young. 

     It was not long after the heartbreaking news that a little stuffed frog was placed on the door of her gym, her classroom. Later on, I saw a red heart and as the day went on cards and letters of love were posted along the rail leading up to the gym. The kids hearts were broken, her fellow teachers and friends hearts were broken. We were all at a loss and everyone wanted to show their love for this amazing woman. 

     Every day the signs of love grew, every day more cards, posters, stuffed animals and signs of love went up to show how much we will miss and love her. I took pictures for the school paper and I read the cards and posters that express so much love. My heart ached because I will miss her and still does as I think of that outpouring of love shown to this amazing woman. It was unbelievable; hundreds of cards line the rail and the door leading to the gym where she once spent most of her time. 

    As I looked at this beautiful expression of love and sorrow, I felt an added sense of pain thinking how sad it is that this much love is shown to this beautiful person after she is gone. It made me think of how characteristic it is for people to show such an outpouring of love when someone dies. Yes, it is for the family too but it is also to help our hearts heal. I think that is wonderful but I am also sad that we do not show this outpouring of love to people while they are here to enjoy it. 

     From all of the cards, flowers and other expressions of love I know she was truly loved, deeply loved by so many. I am sure she knew she was loved while she was still living but I am not sure she knew just how much she was loved and the impact she had on so many other lives. This again made me sad to think that we don't show this kind of love to the living. Many people have no clue how much they are loved, some don't feel loved at all.

     So with this thought and as I reflect on the beautiful memorial tribute that has been made to our wonderful teacher and friend I hope that I show those who I love how much I love them while they are living. I also think maybe we should celebrate those we care about while they are alive. Do not wait until they are gone to give cards, flowers, and stuffed animals. Share that beauty while they are alive and show your love for them. 

A Woman Who Falsely Accuses a Man of Rape Should Be Charged of Rape

     I read this post on Facebook regarding a woman going to jail for accusing a man of rape. I certainly agree that she should. I think she should be charged with rape herself because she is taking away her victims rights by making false accusations.

     When a woman accuses a man of rape whether he is innocent or not his reputation is damaged. forever People tend to believe the worst without knowing the truth.

     When a man is accused of rape that becomes a front page story, everyone hears about it. They hear the woman's story of how he treated her, how horrible it was, how violated she felt. The accused is arrested, many times he loses his job and has to pay for a lawyer. When the woman retracts her story saying she was lying and the man did not rape her, that story does not make front page, people don't know that he was actually innocent, many times he might get his job back but there are people who still believe he is guilty and he finds it hard to get back to the life he once had.

      I know of one instance where an educator was accused of rape, he was an upstanding and respected man. Once he was accused of rape his name was plastered all over the media, including Facebook. He had to "drop off the face of the earth" just to find peace. Once his accuser admitted she had lied no one heard about that, no one knew until finally he surfaced again and people started to research the story. Not everyone did that though, he was labeled a rapist and his reputation was damaged for the rest of his life.

     I have heard many stories where men are falsely accused of rape, they lose their job and family because of this. They become "marked men" and their lives are never the same again. Some of them are so ruined that they commit suicide. Then maybe the woman should be charged with man slaughter.

     Maybe if a woman faced rape charges for falsely accusing a man of rape she would think twice before making those false accusations.