Arsenic Kitchen - Face To The Floor (Chevelle Cover)

Arsenic Kitchen - Schism (Tool Cover)

Arsenic Kitchen - Air That I Breathe

Arsenic Kitchen - Air That I Breathe

This song is a beautiful tribute to those we have loved who are no longer with us. It is genuine and heartfelt. Arsenic Kitchen did such a beautiful job honoring those we loved who are gone.

Is Google trying to Keep My Money?

     I have tried to contact Google AdSense

to no avail. They had me on hold for an hour today only to say they closed and would not take my call. They then said that I could use their web support.

    Their web support is a joke. There is no way to find a solution to the issue I am having and I see many others are having the same issue.

    When I go to my AdSense account it tells me I need to sign the new terms of service. So, I read them and at the end it just says that an admin needs to sign the account. 

    I am the admin! I am the only one who has used my account and I checked the system, I am using the right Gmail too. There is no reason for it not to let me in.

    This is frustrating enough but to have no way to contact the company is ridiculous. 

    I wonder if they do this so they can keep all of the money people have earned? I mean if you can't get into your account then you can't cash out. So what better way to avoid paying people. Just don't let them into their accounts and provide no way to fix the issue.

    If anyone knows how to contact AdSense or how to sign the terms as the admin that I am please let me know.

    Oh and their solution online is to sign in as a different user. Wait, common sense tells me that I can't sign into my account as someone else. 

   Come on Google get it together and be a better company. 

Being Sad Does not Mean Ungrateful

     I really wanted to go look at Halloween lights I'd seen on social media. There were some homes that looked amazing. I thought it would be fun to get some pictures. But I didn't want to go alone.  

     As I was driving home from my second job I thought  of how I used to call my mom and say "you want to go to a movie tonight? Or for a walk, or out to eat?" She was always ready to go if she felt up to it. She would get dressed and be ready when I got home. Tonight I wanted to go to the lights and it broke my heart because I can no longer call my mom and say "get ready, lets go." She would have been so excited to go look at the lights. Actually when I saw them on social media and showed her we would have made a plan.

    However as I drove home I thought of the lights and all of the things that I miss. Not just the big things but the small, everyday things that have changed so much in my life all alone without my mom. The things I miss so much. The things that hurt so bad it feels like someone is sitting hard on my chest trying to crush it. These little things don't hit out of the blue, they are there every single day in one way or another.  Somedays I can hold back the tears, other times the tears flow freely always with sobs. 

    This sadness does not mean I am not grateful for all of the times I spent with my mom. I am grateful for the many things my mom and I did together. I will always feel blessed to have had her as my mom and best friend. I am so lucky. That does not mean the things I miss out on aren't sad, aren't heartbreaking and sometimes unbearable.

    So tonight I wanted to go see Halloween lights, being unable to call my mom and have her get ready to go made me very sad but not ungrateful, just sad.

Let Her Be Extra

      When I was a teenager I got upset when my mom wanted to know what was going on in my life. That is how teenagers are. 

    Once I became an adult there would be times when my mom would ask me what I was doing and I would think to myself "mom that isn't any of your business" I would roll my eyes in my mind but I would usually tell her. 

    When the phone would ring sometimes I would think to myself, "Oh mom I am busy right now and don't have time to talk." But I would answer anyhow or call her later. Most of the time I wanted to talk but sometimes I felt inconvenienced only because I was busy.

    When I went shopping with my mom it was so fusterating at times. My mom was this shopper who looked at everything, I mean everything. I don't necessarily mean different items. If she wanted toilet paper she would look at every package and have to figure which one was the best deal. This might take several minutes, like 15 or more.  If she wanted soup she would compare just about every can of soup the store had. We laughed about it and she would just say she is a fugle shopper or we just didn't know how to shop.

    When we were on vacation she was always the last to get ready. She just took her time. I never really knew why it took her so long but, it did. We always teased her about it and she always denied it saying it was because she was waiting on us. We just kept teasing and she kept denying. But we laughed about it. Well sometimes she didn't but the rest of us did. 

    When she came to live with me after she got sick  she always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. If I was late getting home from work she would worry.  If I got a phone call she wanted to know who was on the phone. I felt a bit put out at times but I told her. 

      She loved to shop at Wal Mart so we went there when she needed things and she still shopped the same way, looking at everything for a very long time. She did move slower because she was sick and she was a lot older but still we were at the store much longer than I wanted to be while she price checked T.P. haha

    There were times I wanted to go do things alone but she always wanted to go too. I understand because she was alone all day. I would come home and pick her up though. In my mind I would wish she stayed home because I just wanted that alone time but we went to do things and usually had a good time. 

     There would be times when I came home from work and I just wanted to sit and not talk. However my mom who had been home all day was full of things to say so she would talk and talk. I would wish for her to just not want to talk but she was very vocal. So we talked. 

    I never really minded taking her shopping but at times it was a bit extra (over the top at times). Sometimes when she wanted to know things that I thought were not really any of her concern it felt a bit extra. I think we can all be a bit extra sometimes. Acutally I am sure my kids think I am extra most of the time. However moms don't do things to be extra. They ask where you are because they love you, they want to know things because they want to be a part of your life even though sometimes they might ask when they don't need to know. It is all done out of love.

    My mom was not just my mom, she was my best friend. She was a sweet and loving woman. One of the kindest hearts I've ever known. We spent a lot of time together and she could be "extra" at times.

    Now that my mom is gone I would give anything for my phone to ring when I am busy and it be my mom or I would love for her to ask me questions that I do not really want to answer. Oh how beautiful it would be to have her break the silence when I am alone missing her by talking to me.  I would gladly let her come along when I want to be alone I would love to wait for her to take her time getting ready to go places and I would give anything in the world to take her shopping and have her look at everything for a long time and price check the items she wanted. I would love to let her be extra. Extra is not a bad thing, yes extra can be inconvenient at times and it can be annoying but at the end of the day extra is wonderful, extra is loving, extra is caring, extra is  special. 

   It is ok to be extra sometimes. Give moms the grace to be extra because someday you will miss that extra special mom in your life.