Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Don't Be Your Child's First Bully

     With bullying being so prevalent in this world today though social media and texting people tend to forget that the bully might not just be the person behind the computer screen, the actual bully sometimes is the person the child looks up to and loves the most,yes the parent. Now I don't believe many parents mean to bully their kids. I think it happens accidentally through the daily stresses of raising a child. It is important for parents to really stop and think of what they say and how they speak to their child. Yes, parents sometimes are their child's first bully. Having the bully at home makes it even harder to face the cyber bullies along with those at school.

    Things not to tell your kids: Don't say "you always do that." No one always does something, a child doesn't always forget to put away his toys, he doesn't always forget his homework. Always means there's no room for improvement The better thing to say is "you sure do struggle completing your homework, and you forget to put always your toys a lot of the time." That leaves room for improvement.

     Some parents in their anger cal their kids brats, tell them they are bad and sometimes even that they are dumb. I know many times a parent says those things in the heat of frustration at a disobedient child but those things are still harmful, hurtful and can not be taken back.

     My main reason for this blog though was for the parents who use absolutely no self control and are well, mean to their kids, they are their child's first bully.

     It is never ok to call a child stupid, if a child does something that is not that bright, tell them what they did was not smart but never say they are stupid. It is never ok to call a kid names like jerk or *
hole or any of the other curse words I've heard parents spew at their kids. I've heard parents call their kids stupid little jerks and worse and that is in public. I wonder what those poor kids hear when at home. It is bullying plain and simple!

     Kids are innocent and sweet young people, they grow into annoying teenagers who can be sweet at times. Regardless of how old they are kids need to know they are loved at home and do not need that first bully to live at home.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Hoaxes Aside-Rule of Thumb: Don't Add People to Your Facebook Friends List if You Do Not Know Them

I have been getting a message about not adding Jayden K Smith if he sends a friend request on Facebook today, July 9, 2017. I had seen that same message a while back and many others like it before so I researched it and many sites say it is a hoax. the site I trust most, Snopes, says it is a hoax. I do not understand why people start these hoaxes except maybe to flood the internet.IT has flooded my private messages for sure because it also says that even if your friends accept the request you will get a virus too. I honestly do not know how that is possible and all sites I have researched have said it is not possible. The day that I can get a virus from what others on Facebook do is the day I will say farewell to Facebook.
My rule of thumb is that I never add people to my friends list unless I know them and I always ask how they know me before I add them. I have received requests from people who I've never heard of, I ask how they know me and they never respond so....I delete the request. Or there are times I get a request from an already friend, that is when I ask my friend why they sent me a request and know that they have been hacked. I don't add famous people because well, they don't know me so why would they want to add me to their list? Really, if I received a friend request from Johnny Depp a red flag would go up since I am just, well, me and he does not know me from the man in the moon so would have no reason to friend me. It would obviously be a hack.
So folks best rule of thumb is to be careful out there in the world of Facebook. Know who your friends are...



Saturday, July 8, 2017

Why Do Men Love Boobs?

    Lets talk about boobs, yes boobs, you know those things that men think are so amazing and froth at the mouth over. They go absolutely crazy over them, if a woman's are big a man will not even look her in the eye because he is fixated by her boobs. Men think they are wonderful, amazing and want their woman to have big ones. Some men even pay for their woman to enlarge hers.
     News flash though from someone who has been cursed and saddled with big ones, they are not fun, they are not something we love, they are just two big blobs of fat that are connected to the front of our body. They get bigger as we gain weight and then are hard to rid ourselves of as we lose.
     They really are just fat, as I gained weight they got bigger. I did not like them and was not happy about that. Now even when I lose weight though, they remain a larger, fatter part of my body.
     Do men like our stomach rolls? Many do not, so why on earth would they like boobs?
     So seriously, I wonder what on earth it is that a man finds appealing about these two blobs of fat that serve no purpose after child rearing years are done..They are just...there, hanging low as we grow older.
     When I was younger I noticed that many  men rarely looked me in the eye, they just looked at my chest. It was to say the least very annoying. I found them to  be rude and disrespectful. I mean I had a face, I looked them in the eye so why not show me the same respect.
     Anyhow back to my question, why oh why do men love those blobs of fat we call boobs?

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Farewell Turbo Tax: I Will Never Pass Your Way Again

     I used TurboTax to file my and my sons returns for a few years because it was less expensive than other programs and easy. I would have done them myself with paper and pen but liked the idea of e-filing so we received our returns faster.

     Well after yesterday I will never use them again! I am so angry with TurboTax. I filed my sons 2015 taxes with them. It did cost around $25.00. I downloaded a copy of his returns and printed them too..however to my dismay he now needs them to file his college Fafsa and I can't for the life of me find my copies.

     I thought "I will just go to TurboTax and get a copy of his taxes." Nope that is not going to happen unless I pay for a copy. Really! thy want me to pay for a copy that I can easily download. I am not asking them to send me a hard copy. They won't be out anything by allowing me to look at my sons records.

    I paid to get his taxes done with a real accountant and asked for a copy of his 2016 return. I had it in my e-mail the same night.

    I am still looking for the copies I printed and downloaded because I really do not want to pay this company for something that I should not have to pay for.

    You have lost a customer forever TurboTax. I will ne
ver use you again! What a rip-off!

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Positive Discipline in the Classroom: Creating Bullies and Low Self-Esteem

     I know that many believe positive discipline in the classroom is a wonderful thing. We should never use negative discipline such as writing names on the board or taking away recess. That harms kids. Hmm well I beg to differ and have a different view of some of the positive discipline ideals. Now don’t get me wrong, it is good to be positive and the ideals of positive discipline in many aspects are great however for the most part if you want kids to behave then sometimes the negative promotes positive behavior. A child will not die if he misses a recess and if he is misbehaving getting his name on the board is not going to hurt him as long as the rules are clear. This blog is not about that though it is about how positive discipline can promote bullying and low self-esteem in my opinion.
     One example of positive discipline that I was introduced to was that the teacher is to praise the children who are obeying the rules and ignore those who are misbehaving. The idea behind this is that the ones who are misbehaving will want the praise the children who behave are getting. This sounds great in theory and might work great with younger students such as K-1 but as kids grow older this type of discipline bothers me and I believe is not just ineffective but detrimental to the mental health and well being of the kids.
     The scenario:
Mrs. Jones has a class with 25 students. Many of her kids are acting up in class. They have a habit of not doing their work, just not doing what they are supposed to do. But then there is Billy who always does what he should, he always sits quietly waiting for directions, never causes any problems. So instead of reprimanding those who are acting up and not doing what they are supposed to do Mrs. Jones praises Billy saying “I love how Billy is sitting still in his chair.”  She also constantly says “Billy always has his work done on time and he is always ready to listen. “
     It would be great if this worked and the other kids began doing what they should but this will most likely get Billy beat up during recess. The other kids are just going to think he is the teacher’s pet and they will not like him. They will mistreat him and be cruel. In turn this results in low self-esteem for Billy. This kind of discipline has created bullies out of kids who most likely would have started behaving once they realized they would lose recess or something else they loved if they did not obey the rules.

     We are such a society of “everyone wins” and “don’t say anything negative to the kids” that we are creating bullies and low self esteem.  Sometimes negative does equal positive and positive equals negative. 

Saturday, June 17, 2017

In this "Me" Society: Unhealthy Relationships Should Not Include the Kids

Living in such a "me" world I notice so many people put themselves before their children on a regular basis. They go from relationship to relationship never providing stability or a healthy environment for their children. They never stop to think about their kids and how their relationship choices are doing to them. Or maybe they think of it but since the "I" in their life is most important they don't care about their kids. Many of them find people who seem to think they are the new "boss" and let that person take over, even with the raising and well being of their kids. NEWS FLASH, they are not someone else's kids and how a person raises their kids is none of the new persons business. There is yet another unhealthy relationship and this is when one parent, usually a female, enters into a relationship with an abusive person.

I watch so many people who have kids get into these relationships that last maybe a month, two months and sometimes even a little bit more. They bring families into the kids lives and try to intertwine the two. The kids become attached to the extended family and then poof, the relationship ends and so do all of the connections with the extended family. This leaves the kids sad and hurt. Before bringing people into your children's life, make sure they are going to be there a while.

For adults bringing people into and out of their own life is hard enough, doing that to their kids can be heartbreaking if they learn to like the people that enter their lives and then exit just as quickly as they entered.

Adults get over things much faster than kids and really need to stop and think of the consequences once the new person becomes a distant memory, it is not always that way for the kids. They miss the extended family they learned to care about.

So before bringing the kids into things, make sure they are going to last. Parents must think of their kids first. Adults who enter relationship after relationship are unstable, it is unfair and cruel to make their kids a part of their unstable lifestyle.

Now on to how I have seen so many people enter these relationships and allow the new person to become the "boss". The parent lets the boss take over. The boss dictates every aspect of how the child is raised. This is wrong. The child does not belong to the boss and the boss has no business butting in. Yes the boss should care if the child might do something to cause harm to himself but usually the boss doesn't really care. The boss just wants to be in control and tell the parent what to do. The boss does not care about the child one bit, the boss only cares about "being the boss." If an adult wants to be in a controlling relationship that is his or her right as an adult but letting the person boss the kids is unhealthy and wrong.

The final unhealthy relationship is the abusive one. I will use the example of a man abusing a woman because that is the most common abusive relationship. This is unhealthy for the woman,, but she is an adult, it is child abuse in my mind for her to bring her kids into this relationship. If she is going to live that way then that is her right, however she should not bring her kids into it. If she truly loves her kids she will not allow them to be around the abusive man. That is one of the most unhealthy environments a person could place a child into.

First of all the child does not need to watch his or her mom being abused. This is emotionally damaging and leaves life long scars. The parent should care more for her child than to expose him or her to that type of abuse. But again in this "me" world we live in the parent does not think off the child.

Most important though is that the abuser will eventually abuse the child too. The abuser might even be doing it if the parent leaves the child in his care. It is a risk that is not worth taking.

Don't get me wrong, I am not talking about the loving relationships out there where a parent meets someone new, makes sure the relationship will last then the kids enter the life of the new person. The new person is loving, caring and nurturing to the children but also realizes that he or she is not the parent and does not become the dictator. However out of love does offer discipline that is nurturing and caring. That is healthy for the kids.

If a person just "can't live" alone then so be it, however once you have kids your life is not your own and you should never, never, never place them in an unhealthy relationship. You not only risk their emotional health but possibly physical well being and you keep the unhealthy pattern going...Wake up call parents, your life is not about "me". It is about your kids, put them first, they deserve it.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Second Grade Grammar: The Three Theirs and More

     Nothing gets to me more than people who use incorrect grammar. I mean come on folks with spell check and such it isn't that hard to get it right...in most instances. Sometimes though the spell check doesn't spell check all of the spelling errors. For instance if you know something it won't always correct if you type that you no it.

    I wonder though if many people just did not pay attention in school when they were back in the 2nd grade. So here is my little lesson about one of my pet peeves....

     The three theirs...you don't go over their, you go over there. There going to the store is a contraction and should be they're..you know they are...and it was their party not they're party. Simple right? If you ask a 2nd grader they will tell you it is.

     Then there are the yours...or is it you're? Hmm so here you go, if you're going to the store then you are going to the store...contraction....it isn't your going to the store. If something belongs to you it isn't you'res it is yours.

     By and buy are also words that are misused quite often. You don't by an item you buy it, and I want to stand by the tree not buy it.

          I know, I know for many they are just typos but for some they are not...just one of my pet peeves that 2nd grade grammar stuff.