Saturday, June 24, 2017

Positive Discipline in the Classroom: Creating Bullies and Low Self-Esteem

     I know that many believe positive discipline in the classroom is a wonderful thing. We should never use negative discipline such as writing names on the board or taking away recess. That harms kids. Hmm well I beg to differ and have a different view of some of the positive discipline ideals. Now don’t get me wrong, it is good to be positive and the ideals of positive discipline in many aspects are great however for the most part if you want kids to behave then sometimes the negative promotes positive behavior. A child will not die if he misses a recess and if he is misbehaving getting his name on the board is not going to hurt him as long as the rules are clear. This blog is not about that though it is about how positive discipline can promote bullying and low self-esteem in my opinion.
     One example of positive discipline that I was introduced to was that the teacher is to praise the children who are obeying the rules and ignore those who are misbehaving. The idea behind this is that the ones who are misbehaving will want the praise the children who behave are getting. This sounds great in theory and might work great with younger students such as K-1 but as kids grow older this type of discipline bothers me and I believe is not just ineffective but detrimental to the mental health and well being of the kids.
     The scenario:
Mrs. Jones has a class with 25 students. Many of her kids are acting up in class. They have a habit of not doing their work, just not doing what they are supposed to do. But then there is Billy who always does what he should, he always sits quietly waiting for directions, never causes any problems. So instead of reprimanding those who are acting up and not doing what they are supposed to do Mrs. Jones praises Billy saying “I love how Billy is sitting still in his chair.”  She also constantly says “Billy always has his work done on time and he is always ready to listen. “
     It would be great if this worked and the other kids began doing what they should but this will most likely get Billy beat up during recess. The other kids are just going to think he is the teacher’s pet and they will not like him. They will mistreat him and be cruel. In turn this results in low self-esteem for Billy. This kind of discipline has created bullies out of kids who most likely would have started behaving once they realized they would lose recess or something else they loved if they did not obey the rules.

     We are such a society of “everyone wins” and “don’t say anything negative to the kids” that we are creating bullies and low self esteem.  Sometimes negative does equal positive and positive equals negative. 

Saturday, June 17, 2017

In this "Me" Society: Unhealthy Relationships Should Not Include the Kids

Living in such a "me" world I notice so many people put themselves before their children on a regular basis. They go from relationship to relationship never providing stability or a healthy environment for their children. They never stop to think about their kids and how their relationship choices are doing to them. Or maybe they think of it but since the "I" in their life is most important they don't care about their kids. Many of them find people who seem to think they are the new "boss" and let that person take over, even with the raising and well being of their kids. NEWS FLASH, they are not someone else's kids and how a person raises their kids is none of the new persons business. There is yet another unhealthy relationship and this is when one parent, usually a female, enters into a relationship with an abusive person.

I watch so many people who have kids get into these relationships that last maybe a month, two months and sometimes even a little bit more. They bring families into the kids lives and try to intertwine the two. The kids become attached to the extended family and then poof, the relationship ends and so do all of the connections with the extended family. This leaves the kids sad and hurt. Before bringing people into your children's life, make sure they are going to be there a while.

For adults bringing people into and out of their own life is hard enough, doing that to their kids can be heartbreaking if they learn to like the people that enter their lives and then exit just as quickly as they entered.

Adults get over things much faster than kids and really need to stop and think of the consequences once the new person becomes a distant memory, it is not always that way for the kids. They miss the extended family they learned to care about.

So before bringing the kids into things, make sure they are going to last. Parents must think of their kids first. Adults who enter relationship after relationship are unstable, it is unfair and cruel to make their kids a part of their unstable lifestyle.

Now on to how I have seen so many people enter these relationships and allow the new person to become the "boss". The parent lets the boss take over. The boss dictates every aspect of how the child is raised. This is wrong. The child does not belong to the boss and the boss has no business butting in. Yes the boss should care if the child might do something to cause harm to himself but usually the boss doesn't really care. The boss just wants to be in control and tell the parent what to do. The boss does not care about the child one bit, the boss only cares about "being the boss." If an adult wants to be in a controlling relationship that is his or her right as an adult but letting the person boss the kids is unhealthy and wrong.

The final unhealthy relationship is the abusive one. I will use the example of a man abusing a woman because that is the most common abusive relationship. This is unhealthy for the woman,, but she is an adult, it is child abuse in my mind for her to bring her kids into this relationship. If she is going to live that way then that is her right, however she should not bring her kids into it. If she truly loves her kids she will not allow them to be around the abusive man. That is one of the most unhealthy environments a person could place a child into.

First of all the child does not need to watch his or her mom being abused. This is emotionally damaging and leaves life long scars. The parent should care more for her child than to expose him or her to that type of abuse. But again in this "me" world we live in the parent does not think off the child.

Most important though is that the abuser will eventually abuse the child too. The abuser might even be doing it if the parent leaves the child in his care. It is a risk that is not worth taking.

Don't get me wrong, I am not talking about the loving relationships out there where a parent meets someone new, makes sure the relationship will last then the kids enter the life of the new person. The new person is loving, caring and nurturing to the children but also realizes that he or she is not the parent and does not become the dictator. However out of love does offer discipline that is nurturing and caring. That is healthy for the kids.

If a person just "can't live" alone then so be it, however once you have kids your life is not your own and you should never, never, never place them in an unhealthy relationship. You not only risk their emotional health but possibly physical well being and you keep the unhealthy pattern going...Wake up call parents, your life is not about "me". It is about your kids, put them first, they deserve it.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Second Grade Grammar: The Three Theirs and More

     Nothing gets to me more than people who use incorrect grammar. I mean come on folks with spell check and such it isn't that hard to get it right...in most instances. Sometimes though the spell check doesn't spell check all of the spelling errors. For instance if you know something it won't always correct if you type that you no it.

    I wonder though if many people just did not pay attention in school when they were back in the 2nd grade. So here is my little lesson about one of my pet peeves....

     The three theirs...you don't go over their, you go over there. There going to the store is a contraction and should be they're..you know they are...and it was their party not they're party. Simple right? If you ask a 2nd grader they will tell you it is.

     Then there are the yours...or is it you're? Hmm so here you go, if you're going to the store then you are going to the store...contraction....it isn't your going to the store. If something belongs to you it isn't you'res it is yours.

     By and buy are also words that are misused quite often. You don't by an item you buy it, and I want to stand by the tree not buy it.

          I know, I know for many they are just typos but for some they are not...just one of my pet peeves that 2nd grade grammar stuff.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Breast Feeding in Public: There's Nothing Wrong With Modesty

     The hot topic the last year or so has been breast feeding in public. Well I may have an unpopular view but, differing views is what the world is all about right?

     I breast fed both of my sons, breast milk is  healthy for children, it provides them with some very beneficial antibodies the first year of their life. It  is also extremely convenient for the mom. I mean no bottle warming, wake up in the middle of the night and you are ready to feed your baby. It is also a special bonding time for baby and mom. I loved those late night feedings. There are cons to breast feeding, mom is the only one who can feed the baby so it means she gets few breaks and sometimes little sleep. Baby is not always hungry at convenient times so it means feeding in awkward situations which is where the controversy lies.

     Those public feedings is what this post is about. How does a mom handle that? You are in the store, baby cries and mom lactates needing to feed her hungry baby. When I breast fed my sons I would either go to the restroom to feed them or I had a blanket so I could cover myself giving me privacy while I fed my baby. I could not have just plopped my boob out for the world to see. That is the modesty I refer to.

     Now days women just plop out their boob and feed their baby wherever they are. While I disagree whole heatedly that it is a crime and I do not believe they should be ridiculed for breast feeding I do believe there is nothing wrong with showing a little modesty. There is nothing wrong with covering up. It will not harm the child if mom covers up while feeding. Everyone knows what she is doing but she just isn't showing skin.

   
    Those are my thoughts, maybe I am old fashioned, maybe I am a bit too modest. Whichever the case may be I firmly believe that breast feeding a baby is the best way to go if you are able to. I also believe a woman has the right to do it in public however I think that many agree with me,there is nothing wrong with being modest about it.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Children Should Not Be included in Revolving Relationships

You are probably wondering what a revolving relationship is, it is that relationship that is the most wonderful ever, oh so true, that person someone has been with for hmmm maybe a month or two or possibly even 6. The person that someone moves in with and their children must like him or her too.

This is wrong, a person should never bring someone new into their child's life until that person is a permanent person in their life. It is not fair to the child for parent's to make every new relationship the new "step parent" or live in adult figure. It is important to make sure it lasts before making them a part of your child's life.

I see so many people, mostly women find a new man, move in and expect their children to like him and worse allow him to tell the children what to do, allow him to dictate life and much of the time put him before the kids. Then in a few months the man is history because she has moved on to something else. Enter someone new in the child's life.

This is hard on children and parents really need to stop and think of their kids, put them first, put them before every new Tom, Dick or Harry who enters the picture. And once that person enters the picture for good, make sure he or she knows that he will not take presidence over the kids and he or she is not there to dictate, he is there to care and to love. Any loving person would do that anyhow, it usually is the revolving relationship types who dictate cruelly.

Parents need to love their children more than themselves and their own pleasure. That revolving door should actually hit some of them in the butt and knock sense into them so they will stop including their kids in this harmful environment.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Macro Shots

     I have been having a lot of fun playing with my camera and taking macro shots. I decided it would be fun to share a few of the latest here.
     I woke up to snow this April 29 morning. Yes snow, here in Colorado.
     Looking in my back yard I noticed the dandelions had snow and dew kissing them.
     Before the dandelion shots I had taken some macro flower shots. One of the first is an African Violet. All rights are mine and I do not give permission to share.













                                                                                             

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Buyer Beware: 99 Cents Only Stores-Not Always Only 99 Cents

     First let me begin by saying that I absolutely love 99 Cents Only stores. They are some of my favorite places to shop, they have some amazing deals however this year I learned that you do have to watch the prices because not all things are 99 cents. Well at least at the store we visited. Maybe not all are this way.

    When I enter a store that says it is 99 cents only I assume all items are 99 cents, not most items. I mean, the word only means that things are only that much right? Wrong, not in the store we visited in Mesa Arizona this year. We found several items priced higher than 99 cents. The prices were not extreme but it was annoying because we had not expected the higher price.

     I wondered as I was checking out if that is how they get a lot of people to pay the higher price Most assume by the name of the store that items are only 99 cents throughout the entire store so do not look at the price. They pay higher prices for items unknowingly and many might never even look at their reciept. This to me is dishonest on the part of the chain.

     Will I continue to shop at the stores? Yes but I will carefully watch prices. My mom will never shop at one again because she believes they are deceiving. I like the stores enough to keep shopping there but carefully.

     I wanted to make people aware of this because I am sure many have been deceived by the store name. I know we were. I think they should change the name to Mostly 99 Cent Store..then people watch prices.