Sunday, September 10, 2017

A Deeper Understanding of Suicial Feelings


     Lately life has been a huge struggle for me. So many things have fallen apart and I've felt hopeless. As I reflect on those thoughts it brings me to a better understanding of those who decide that this life is not worth it and end their own. They come to a place where they just feel no way out. Yes it is a selfish act, that is true because they are not considering the pain their loss will inflict on others however in their deep pain they also believe that their loss really won't hurt others as much as it will make others lives better.

     When my brother in law killed himself I was angry and thought of him as selfish. I still think that much of the time because his situation was a bit different than many, he was mad and drunk and going to "show all of us". He had not been depressed and I honestly believe had he been sober he would not have taken his own life. However others I have known must have been suffering deeply, felt like there was just no other way out. Yes I have thought them selfish at times but really aren't we all when it comes to our own pain. We want it to stop, we want it to go away, we all want to feel happy, not pain. Others don't feel our pain, yes they feel their own pain but they don't feel ours at the time.
     To better explain what I am trying to say I will delve deeper into this I and  will say that while I have not actually considered ending my own life, I have wished it would end. Just wished I would go to sleep and not wake up. Yes this is selfish and some people would be sad if I were gone however there are times when in my darkest moments I honestly believe many would be better off without me and the pain I feel while to others might not seem huge, to me is so painful that I am not sure I can bear it another moment.
     What keeps me from going further with these thoughts? My love of God and the fact that it would beak my moms heart. I know that she would not be able to bear it if I left this world so that keeps me here. My grandson also needs me here for now, sadly that is something I fear might change as I am not able to be as actively involved with his life anymore but for now he needs me. Realistically my kids would be financially better because of the life insurance I have. Yes they would be sad for a while but they could build their lives without me so for them sometime I think they would be better off if I were not in this world. The void that would be in their lives without me would be short lived...
    Those are feelings I have in my darkest moments which have been more frequent lately than I would like...my main driving force during those deep despair moments preventing me from going beyond the desire to not wake up, to taking the next step is mostly God, my mom and my little grandson, I know the void in my mom and his life would be everlasting.
      That said I have a deeper understanding of those who reach that point of helplessness and dive so deep into their own despair that nothing else matters. They see no way out, the pain is so strong and they feel like no one will really miss them, not that much, they do not understand the void left behind can never be filled. They do not have that belief in God that tells them things will get better...even if it does not seem so at the time....
     I have a much better understanding of those moments of despair, hopelessness and no way out people feel because yes in all honesty I feel them too at times. I think we all do but it is how we move beyond it that counts. It is reaching out to others to say that you feel in despair, it is also praying to God or even a higher power if you do not believe in God. Finding something or someone to keep you hanging in there, to give you hope that things will get better.
     This was not meant as a pity post because it is not a pity party when people feel such despair. It is true sadness and people need understanding. This post is to show my new found understanding of those who come to a point of helplessness to see that they are not alone...others go through
the same thing and I hope and pray they find something to keep them hanging on when they feel like letting go.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

40 Day Challenge to Be Grateful Even When Right Does Not Reign

     Very recently some things happened in my life that made me doubt God's presence, then I decided that I believe He is here but I am mad at Him. I prayed and prayed for things to turn out the right way in this situation. Many people were praying and I was confident God would be in control. I was confident He would not let Satan win but, in the end Satan did win so I became even more angry with God, more ready to turn away from Him.
     A good friend reminded me though that we all are free to choose right or wrong, we are free to choose the side of God or the side of Satan. Since the situation I was praying about involved someone else's choices I realize that I can't control the other persons choices. However those choices effect me and those I love so I still find myself angry that God did not touch the other persons heart instead of letting Satan take control
     I am still very hurt and very angry/ I am upset that God would not listen to my prayers. I also was reminded but this same friend that I can be mad at God. It is ok. I just should not pull away from Him which is what I have been fighting against the last few days. I am struggling very hard to have faith in Him, faith that He is in control and that He will always be in control even in situations that seem hopeless.
     So I will allow myself the anger, I will allow myself the pain and I will move forward to pray for those who are giving into Satan, I will pray that they turn to God and let Him have control.
     My friend suggested that I take a 40 day challenge and state something I am thankful for each day. I will take that challenge, I am sure there are little things on the worst days to be grateful for. Even in the midst of Satan's hands I know I still have things to be grateful for in life.
     Maybe through this my anger will subside and I will be able to have faith in God again.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Don't Be Your Child's First Bully

     With bullying being so prevalent in this world today though social media and texting people tend to forget that the bully might not just be the person behind the computer screen, the actual bully sometimes is the person the child looks up to and loves the most,yes the parent. Now I don't believe many parents mean to bully their kids. I think it happens accidentally through the daily stresses of raising a child. It is important for parents to really stop and think of what they say and how they speak to their child. Yes, parents sometimes are their child's first bully. Having the bully at home makes it even harder to face the cyber bullies along with those at school.

    Things not to tell your kids: Don't say "you always do that." No one always does something, a child doesn't always forget to put away his toys, he doesn't always forget his homework. Always means there's no room for improvement The better thing to say is "you sure do struggle completing your homework, and you forget to put always your toys a lot of the time." That leaves room for improvement.

     Some parents in their anger cal their kids brats, tell them they are bad and sometimes even that they are dumb. I know many times a parent says those things in the heat of frustration at a disobedient child but those things are still harmful, hurtful and can not be taken back.

     My main reason for this blog though was for the parents who use absolutely no self control and are well, mean to their kids, they are their child's first bully.

     It is never ok to call a child stupid, if a child does something that is not that bright, tell them what they did was not smart but never say they are stupid. It is never ok to call a kid names like jerk or *
hole or any of the other curse words I've heard parents spew at their kids. I've heard parents call their kids stupid little jerks and worse and that is in public. I wonder what those poor kids hear when at home. It is bullying plain and simple!

     Kids are innocent and sweet young people, they grow into annoying teenagers who can be sweet at times. Regardless of how old they are kids need to know they are loved at home and do not need that first bully to live at home.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Hoaxes Aside-Rule of Thumb: Don't Add People to Your Facebook Friends List if You Do Not Know Them

I have been getting a message about not adding Jayden K Smith if he sends a friend request on Facebook today, July 9, 2017. I had seen that same message a while back and many others like it before so I researched it and many sites say it is a hoax. the site I trust most, Snopes, says it is a hoax. I do not understand why people start these hoaxes except maybe to flood the internet.IT has flooded my private messages for sure because it also says that even if your friends accept the request you will get a virus too. I honestly do not know how that is possible and all sites I have researched have said it is not possible. The day that I can get a virus from what others on Facebook do is the day I will say farewell to Facebook.
My rule of thumb is that I never add people to my friends list unless I know them and I always ask how they know me before I add them. I have received requests from people who I've never heard of, I ask how they know me and they never respond so....I delete the request. Or there are times I get a request from an already friend, that is when I ask my friend why they sent me a request and know that they have been hacked. I don't add famous people because well, they don't know me so why would they want to add me to their list? Really, if I received a friend request from Johnny Depp a red flag would go up since I am just, well, me and he does not know me from the man in the moon so would have no reason to friend me. It would obviously be a hack.
So folks best rule of thumb is to be careful out there in the world of Facebook. Know who your friends are...

+hoax+JaydenKSmith+add+Facebook

 http://www.snopes.com/computer/internet/hackermail.asp

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Why Do Men Love Boobs?

    Lets talk about boobs, yes boobs, you know those things that men think are so amazing and froth at the mouth over. They go absolutely crazy over them, if a woman's are big a man will not even look her in the eye because he is fixated by her boobs. Men think they are wonderful, amazing and want their woman to have big ones. Some men even pay for their woman to enlarge hers.
     News flash though from someone who has been cursed and saddled with big ones, they are not fun, they are not something we love, they are just two big blobs of fat that are connected to the front of our body. They get bigger as we gain weight and then are hard to rid ourselves of as we lose.
     They really are just fat, as I gained weight they got bigger. I did not like them and was not happy about that. Now even when I lose weight though, they remain a larger, fatter part of my body.
     Do men like our stomach rolls? Many do not, so why on earth would they like boobs?
     So seriously, I wonder what on earth it is that a man finds appealing about these two blobs of fat that serve no purpose after child rearing years are done..They are just...there, hanging low as we grow older.
     When I was younger I noticed that many  men rarely looked me in the eye, they just looked at my chest. It was to say the least very annoying. I found them to  be rude and disrespectful. I mean I had a face, I looked them in the eye so why not show me the same respect.
     Anyhow back to my question, why oh why do men love those blobs of fat we call boobs?

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Farewell Turbo Tax: I Will Never Pass Your Way Again

     I used TurboTax to file my and my sons returns for a few years because it was less expensive than other programs and easy. I would have done them myself with paper and pen but liked the idea of e-filing so we received our returns faster.

     Well after yesterday I will never use them again! I am so angry with TurboTax. I filed my sons 2015 taxes with them. It did cost around $25.00. I downloaded a copy of his returns and printed them too..however to my dismay he now needs them to file his college Fafsa and I can't for the life of me find my copies.

     I thought "I will just go to TurboTax and get a copy of his taxes." Nope that is not going to happen unless I pay for a copy. Really! thy want me to pay for a copy that I can easily download. I am not asking them to send me a hard copy. They won't be out anything by allowing me to look at my sons records.

    I paid to get his taxes done with a real accountant and asked for a copy of his 2016 return. I had it in my e-mail the same night.

    I am still looking for the copies I printed and downloaded because I really do not want to pay this company for something that I should not have to pay for.

    You have lost a customer forever TurboTax. I will ne
ver use you again! What a rip-off!

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Positive Discipline in the Classroom: Creating Bullies and Low Self-Esteem

     I know that many believe positive discipline in the classroom is a wonderful thing. We should never use negative discipline such as writing names on the board or taking away recess. That harms kids. Hmm well I beg to differ and have a different view of some of the positive discipline ideals. Now don’t get me wrong, it is good to be positive and the ideals of positive discipline in many aspects are great however for the most part if you want kids to behave then sometimes the negative promotes positive behavior. A child will not die if he misses a recess and if he is misbehaving getting his name on the board is not going to hurt him as long as the rules are clear. This blog is not about that though it is about how positive discipline can promote bullying and low self-esteem in my opinion.
     One example of positive discipline that I was introduced to was that the teacher is to praise the children who are obeying the rules and ignore those who are misbehaving. The idea behind this is that the ones who are misbehaving will want the praise the children who behave are getting. This sounds great in theory and might work great with younger students such as K-1 but as kids grow older this type of discipline bothers me and I believe is not just ineffective but detrimental to the mental health and well being of the kids.
     The scenario:
Mrs. Jones has a class with 25 students. Many of her kids are acting up in class. They have a habit of not doing their work, just not doing what they are supposed to do. But then there is Billy who always does what he should, he always sits quietly waiting for directions, never causes any problems. So instead of reprimanding those who are acting up and not doing what they are supposed to do Mrs. Jones praises Billy saying “I love how Billy is sitting still in his chair.”  She also constantly says “Billy always has his work done on time and he is always ready to listen. “
     It would be great if this worked and the other kids began doing what they should but this will most likely get Billy beat up during recess. The other kids are just going to think he is the teacher’s pet and they will not like him. They will mistreat him and be cruel. In turn this results in low self-esteem for Billy. This kind of discipline has created bullies out of kids who most likely would have started behaving once they realized they would lose recess or something else they loved if they did not obey the rules.

     We are such a society of “everyone wins” and “don’t say anything negative to the kids” that we are creating bullies and low self esteem.  Sometimes negative does equal positive and positive equals negative.